that brought me to this page. We so agree about risk and love. As I quote philosopher Edmund Jabés, "There is no writing without risk" and there is no love without risk--or as you put it, no living without risk. I also love our discussion of all caps ART that followed your guest post here: https://marytabor.substack.com/p/the-art-of-the-screenplay. xo
Thank you Mary 🤗. Yes, there is nothing without risk, which means that we both have to be brave when trying something new, and we have to be accepting when things don't work out. That's just what naturally needs to happen when risk is involved. It's interesting that loving someone requires both bravery and acceptance, but then perhaps loving someone is what life—what living—is all about.
I have always felt that when you love someone, that love will remain, even though there may be times when you don't like that person very well. At least, you don't like their behavior.
Yes! This reminds me of the phrase, "Love the sinner, hate the sin" or "hate the sin and not the sinner." A lot of what we understand to be "unconditional love" seems to have religious underpinnings, which suggests that it is much harder to achieve—literally another level of enlightenment—than it seems. On the other hand, most good mothers surely display unconditional love?
This topic can get really deep! Theoretically, you can love someone unconditionally and yet decide not to live with them unconditionally....or maybe you decide you can't live with them at all. In practice, I'm not sure it's possible to continue to love someone unconditionally if they are unkind, selfish, break trust, or harm you physically.
It's definitely a philosophical debate, with practical applications. On the one hand, if you have to be perfect to be loved, how is that even love? On the other hand, if you are unlikeable, how can you expect to be loved? Also, just because you love someone doesn't mean they will love you back; it's not a one way street, which is tragic.
One other thing is that we don't really expect fathers to have "unconditional love" even toward their children. Traditionally, fathers are the disciplinarians. But the idea of expecting "unconditional love" from mothers is completely natural. Maybe it's just good mothers and God who can provide "unconditional love"?
Respectfully, I disagree about fathers and unconditional love and discipline. I believe that discipline is part of love. I also had a father who loved me, mistakes, goof-ups, and down right gaffs, unconditionally. I believe that all humans and God can provide unconditional love... although humans can waver. 💜
Yes! I will modify my statement: good *parents* do provide "unconditional love," and how lucky and wonderful it must be for children who are brought up in homes where they know, without question, that they are loved. 🤗
Yes. I so agree. And since everyone isn't so fortunate, what an opportunity to help spread love and kindness to those we encounter.... as you do with the life lessons from movies. I love your perspective, as well as the lessons you provide each week as seen through film.
This was very eloquent and poignant. I was reminded that in the US a person cannot be forced to testify against their spouse; the bond of love is protected against that type of betrayal.
Good point! That is another piece of evidence in support of the idea that a significant number of people feel that loyalty reflects love, and it's a bond that should not be interfered with by outside forces, which is an idea expressed in the words spoken in traditional wedding ceremonies: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” or "What God has joined, men must not divide.
In sum: love is a choice; it's a decision you make. Love is a selfless gift you give freely to those who deserve it. Love is an action, something you can choose to do, and it takes energy and work because sometimes it's hard to do. Hence, love is a skill that you can hone and improve. The reward for loving someone is the life you earn because of it.
___________
It occurs to me that forgiveness is the ultimate demonstration of love. Of course you can't expect people to be perfect and perfectly lovable all the time. We are all imperfect, fallible, and we make mistakes to boot!
We have to forgive ourselves and each other for our fallibilities, otherwise we create an endless chain of pain and suffering, which can be stopped simply by letting go—forgiving, and letting go.
___________
People love in imperfect ways because people are imperfect. But love should be treasured and nurtured because it can grow over time and fill you and others with more love. Love begets love. More love means more kindness to share with the world. More kindness means more happiness. More happiness means more peace.
So, lovely, your comment on "Why We Write and Why We Don't" at https://marytabor.substack.com/p/why-we-write-and-why-we-dont-lesson
that brought me to this page. We so agree about risk and love. As I quote philosopher Edmund Jabés, "There is no writing without risk" and there is no love without risk--or as you put it, no living without risk. I also love our discussion of all caps ART that followed your guest post here: https://marytabor.substack.com/p/the-art-of-the-screenplay. xo
Thank you Mary 🤗. Yes, there is nothing without risk, which means that we both have to be brave when trying something new, and we have to be accepting when things don't work out. That's just what naturally needs to happen when risk is involved. It's interesting that loving someone requires both bravery and acceptance, but then perhaps loving someone is what life—what living—is all about.
I have always felt that when you love someone, that love will remain, even though there may be times when you don't like that person very well. At least, you don't like their behavior.
Yes! This reminds me of the phrase, "Love the sinner, hate the sin" or "hate the sin and not the sinner." A lot of what we understand to be "unconditional love" seems to have religious underpinnings, which suggests that it is much harder to achieve—literally another level of enlightenment—than it seems. On the other hand, most good mothers surely display unconditional love?
This topic can get really deep! Theoretically, you can love someone unconditionally and yet decide not to live with them unconditionally....or maybe you decide you can't live with them at all. In practice, I'm not sure it's possible to continue to love someone unconditionally if they are unkind, selfish, break trust, or harm you physically.
It's definitely a philosophical debate, with practical applications. On the one hand, if you have to be perfect to be loved, how is that even love? On the other hand, if you are unlikeable, how can you expect to be loved? Also, just because you love someone doesn't mean they will love you back; it's not a one way street, which is tragic.
One other thing is that we don't really expect fathers to have "unconditional love" even toward their children. Traditionally, fathers are the disciplinarians. But the idea of expecting "unconditional love" from mothers is completely natural. Maybe it's just good mothers and God who can provide "unconditional love"?
Respectfully, I disagree about fathers and unconditional love and discipline. I believe that discipline is part of love. I also had a father who loved me, mistakes, goof-ups, and down right gaffs, unconditionally. I believe that all humans and God can provide unconditional love... although humans can waver. 💜
Yes! I will modify my statement: good *parents* do provide "unconditional love," and how lucky and wonderful it must be for children who are brought up in homes where they know, without question, that they are loved. 🤗
Yes. I so agree. And since everyone isn't so fortunate, what an opportunity to help spread love and kindness to those we encounter.... as you do with the life lessons from movies. I love your perspective, as well as the lessons you provide each week as seen through film.
This was very eloquent and poignant. I was reminded that in the US a person cannot be forced to testify against their spouse; the bond of love is protected against that type of betrayal.
Good point! That is another piece of evidence in support of the idea that a significant number of people feel that loyalty reflects love, and it's a bond that should not be interfered with by outside forces, which is an idea expressed in the words spoken in traditional wedding ceremonies: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” or "What God has joined, men must not divide.
One of my favorite writers on Substack, Michael Wolf, also wrote about love, from his actual experience: https://70yearswtf.substack.com/p/some-things-ive-learned-about-love-16-10-05
In sum: love is a choice; it's a decision you make. Love is a selfless gift you give freely to those who deserve it. Love is an action, something you can choose to do, and it takes energy and work because sometimes it's hard to do. Hence, love is a skill that you can hone and improve. The reward for loving someone is the life you earn because of it.
___________
It occurs to me that forgiveness is the ultimate demonstration of love. Of course you can't expect people to be perfect and perfectly lovable all the time. We are all imperfect, fallible, and we make mistakes to boot!
We have to forgive ourselves and each other for our fallibilities, otherwise we create an endless chain of pain and suffering, which can be stopped simply by letting go—forgiving, and letting go.
___________
People love in imperfect ways because people are imperfect. But love should be treasured and nurtured because it can grow over time and fill you and others with more love. Love begets love. More love means more kindness to share with the world. More kindness means more happiness. More happiness means more peace.