Stop Fighting With Yourself
Self-Discovery Lessons From Movie Comedies
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Md Abdul Rashid from Pixabay
One day while walking past a window you may notice a curious phenomenon: a bird repeatedly hitting the glass. Why does this happen? Apparently, the bird is likely a male who sees his own reflection as a rival bird trying to claim his territory. So obviously the only recourse is to fight this intruder—who of course turns out to be just himself—potentially causing self-harm. Likewise, you may have witnessed a curious, but easily frightened, cat who interacts with a harmless object only to overreact and create a path of destruction as a result.
You may be tempted to judge these behaviors negatively, perhaps you may call them simple-minded, or silly, or unnecessarily self-destructive. And you wouldn’t be wrong, except that if you look at your own past behavior objectively, there is a high chance that you’ve engaged in similar reactive actions. In fact, you may be able to notice that you’ve made yourself unhappy, made your life harder than it needed to be, and created more difficulty for yourself, all on your own.
There are a few movies with characters who develop this kind of self-awareness and find ways to change themselves for the better, and in so doing discover that life can be a lot easier and much more pleasant as a result. May they be inspirations to you:
Miracle on 34th Street (1947) is a comedy written and directed by George Seaton, based on the story by Valentine Davies, about an elderly man, Kris Kringle (Edmund Gwenn), who believes he is Santa Claus and convinces many of the people he meets that he is.
Life Lesson: Believe in the goodness of other people.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) is a comedy written and directed by John Hughes about two very different men, uptight executive Neal Page (Steve Martin) and jovial salesman Del Griffith (John Candy), who embark on an accident-prone Thanksgiving journey together.
Life Lesson: “Don’t sweat the small stuff …and it’s all small stuff.”
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Scrooged (1988) is a comedy directed by Richard Donner, adapted from Charles Dickens’ classic book, A Christmas Carol, about Frank Cross (Bill Murray), a cold-hearted TV executive who is given the chance to change his callous ways by three ghosts.
Life Lesson: “Put a little love in your heart, and the world will be a better place.”
— Jackie DeShannon🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)
Strictly Ballroom (1992) is a comedy co-written and directed by Baz Luhrmann about Fran (Tara Morice), a novice dancer who convinces Scott (Paul Mercurio), a ballroom champion, to be her partner for the Pan Pacific Grand Prix, and dance the steps their way, non-Federation, even though it means forfeiting a win.
Life Lesson: “Vivir con miedo es como vivir a medias.”
— A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)
Groundhog Day (1993) is a comedic fantasy co-written and directed by Harold Ramis about Phil Connors (Bill Murray), a self-centered grouch who repeatedly wakes up on the same day, February 2, until he learns to care about others.
Life Lesson: You will be a happier person if you take joy in the simple pleasures of life: books, music, learning, being kind to others.
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High Fidelity (2000) is a comedy directed by Stephen Frears based on the book by Nick Hornby about Rob Gordon (John Cusack), an insecure, immature, and selfish record store owner who looks for answers to his relationship problems by tracking down five previous ex-girlfriends.
Life Lesson: If you want to have a good relationship with someone, then don’t hold back. Give it all you’ve got.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)
The hardest thing of course is actually changing your mindset or behavior so that you invite positivity, happiness, and good outcomes rather than their opposites into your life. In many movies this kind of change only happens after some extraordinary or magical intervention. Nevertheless, the movies themselves paint a clear path of how to do it: since others influence your level of contentment, get people to like you. How? Be nice. Is it so hard to look at other fellow beings as similar to you in the most basic and fundamental ways?
Yes, it is, because plenty of other people aren’t so nice, are they? But your happiness depends on being able to be at ease, to be in harmony with your surroundings, which includes lots of people. So you have to rise above and be the observer looking at yourself objectively from a distance as you would the territorial bird or the scaredy cat. The lessons are clear: Do not be afraid, do not be fearful, do not anticipate negativity, do not make things worse than they are by being defensive and carrying a chip on your shoulder all the time. Stop taking everything, including yourself, so seriously.
Relax, see others as possible allies, not enemies. Be open, embrace imperfection in others, forgive them their selfishness and ignorance, move on, laugh it off, look for workarounds, look for ways to care about others and show kindness to others, or at least be extremely polite. And be cheerful.
And change your mind about someone. It will do you a world of good, especially if that someone is you.
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Great read. I am particularly fond of broken flowers, Jim Jarmusch's slow take on friendship, aging, and who we are to others. It's a bit like High Fidelity, but a much gentler film. Smarter, too. I automatically detract points from anything that requires voice over narration to make it clear.