<![CDATA[moviewise: Life Lessons From Movies: Movie Therapy]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/s/movie-therapyhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!6-g4!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4133a65e-a9f1-4536-830d-3046427d2c44_512x512.pngmoviewise: Life Lessons From Movies: Movie Therapyhttps://moviewise.substack.com/s/movie-therapySubstackMon, 04 May 2026 01:42:05 GMT<![CDATA[On Wanting To Belong]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-wanting-to-belonghttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-wanting-to-belongMon, 09 Mar 2026 01:33:20 GMT
A representation of bullying showing black and white unfriendly figures speaking to each other.
Image by IgorKocka from Pixabay

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

— William James

It’s funny—or cruel—that what we seek the most is to be accepted and loved, that is, to feel that we belong, to feel appreciated. It’s cruel because this is out of our control. We are asking for the attention and respect of others, of people who start out as strangers, most of whom don’t even love or appreciate God the Creator himself, don’t love or appreciate life itself, and probably don’t love or appreciate themselves.

And yet, with eager anticipation we wait and we hope to be asked to join the group, the club, the second family that will take us in, care for us, and nourish us so that we can thrive and live out our great potential, and finally be truly joyous and free as we find a slice of heaven together, arm in arm.

Tunes of Glory (1960) is a drama based on the novel written by James Kennaway, and directed by Ronald Neame about the power struggle between Major Jock Sinclair (Alec Guinness) and Lieutenant-Colonel Basil Barrow (John Mills), as both vie to lead a Scottish military regiment following WWII.

This longing is poignantly depicted in the 1960 movie, Tunes of Glory. Ironically, the two main characters, who are each other’s adversaries, suffer from this affliction of wanting to belong, and tragically, neither finds the acceptance he seeks, but for very different reasons.

We can go into great detail as to why a hard drinking, ill-mannered, war veteran, Major Jock Sinclair (Alec Guinness), can’t get the respect of his higher-ups who remove him from his position as commanding officer and replace him with a pedigreed, hard-nosed, upper-class, Oxford graduate, Lieutenant-Colonel Basil Barrow (John Mills), who in turn can’t get the respect of the men in the regiment.

But really, it’s a universal story. Sometimes, we don’t fit in, are not accepted, are not embraced, are not respected, and there is nothing we can do about it. The movie has no answers. It mostly serves as a warning to not be callous toward others, which of course, would make all the difference.

Actually what Tunes of Glory really shows is how close we are to being in heaven on earth. The setting is glorious. It’s Scotland, in winter, with snowfall, bagpipes, soldiers in full regalia, and beautiful antiques in a stone castle with massive fireplaces, and regal staircases. And yet, in this magnificent place, neither man finds contentment. Major Jock Sinclair is unable to receive the love of a family. He has no wife, a girlfriend whom he doesn’t treat very well, and a daughter who is unable to let him know about her beau, choosing instead to sneak around presumably because her father would not welcome it, although he likes the loyal bagpipe-playing Corporal she loves. Sinclair’s replacement, Lieutenant-Colonel Basil Barrow, likewise has no family, having been married once, and he finds no real camaraderie among the men that he wishes to lead. In fact, he is often met with varying degrees of insubordination. Moreover, he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder due to having been tortured as a prisoner of war, and lashes out in uncontrollable rage when challenged.

In sum, they are both lonesome and unfulfilled, yet envious of one another. Sinclair covets Barrow’s position, and Barrow longs for the bonds Sinclair shares with the soldiers. So one can easily see how if it were not for a lack of acceptance of each other, they could have been great friends. It’s peacetime in Scotland. The regiment is strong. The ladies in town are nice-looking and friendly. The music is fine; the dancing is fun. They could have had heaven on earth, just like we could, but like them, we’d rather sulk about past wrongs than move on. We’d rather mourn for the life we could have had, and we resent the people who have that life for reminding us of our failure. And we’re cruel because we have no other outlet for our pain.

But beware, like both Colonels learn, you’re just creating hell for yourself and others. The only way out of this torment is to accept, just accept, your life as it is and others as they are. Could everything be better? Of course, but it could also be a lot worse.

Can you see that what you do have, even if it is not much, could be your own slice of heaven on earth? Can you see that you could make heaven on earth for others?

Maybe you’ll find peace by accepting your lot in life.

Maybe you’ll find love by simply accepting others.

Or, as an ancient philosopher more poetically put it:

Si vis amari, ama: If you want to be loved, love.

— Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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]]><![CDATA[On Finding Solace In A Hostile World ]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-finding-solace-in-a-hostile-worldhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-finding-solace-in-a-hostile-worldTue, 04 Jul 2023 13:02:09 GMT
A photograph of a kestrel falcon in flight with its wings outstretched and its tail feathers spread out in a fan.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Cyril from Pixabay

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life will give you plenty of reasons to be angry and bitter—if you let it. The truth is that everything is indeed unfair, and every little gain you make is a struggle. What’s more, at any moment you can lose what you’ve worked hard to get, as well as those you most care about. But you don’t have to let life’s struggles conquer you and twist you into a resentful, aggrieved person who only sees the world as a menace.

And the reason why your state of mind is a choice and not a fate is because in spite of all the problems and the pain, there is still goodness in the world. Your own tenacity, good humor, and self-reliance will reward you. Moreover, these attributes will allow you to find that there are indeed caring people in this mean old world, as well as good things to be enjoyed, some of which are enlightening and beautiful.

Kes (1969) is a drama directed by Ken Loach, based on the novel by Barry Hines, about Billy Casper (David Bradley), a poor young boy from a dysfunctional family and in an abusive school system who teaches himself to train a kestrel falcon and finds solace in the process.

  • Life Lesson: The world can be a very hostile place, but you can still find friends.

If you want to see an example of such a trajectory, watch the 1969 British film Kes (1969). This drama follows Billy Casper (David Bradley), a poor young boy from a coal mining town who is bullied and abused by nearly everyone in his life, including his older brother, his teachers, and his classmates. Yet, there is no self-pitying, no rage, no malice coming from him. Instead he finds fulfillment and happiness in taking care of animals, in particular a kestrel, Kes, that he trains in falconry by teaching himself about it from a book.

Is your life really harder than Billy Casper’s? Are you the constant target of attacks? Does your future look bleak? Or despite all these hardships are you, like Billy, able to let bygones be bygones, let troubles roll off your back, continue to strive and move forward and find moments of solace and peace? How we deal with stressors depends heavily on our mindset, and this, in turn, informs our character.

Another way to look at it is to ask yourself the question: who would you rather be, a survivor who is open to experiencing the wonders of the world, or an embittered hostile person holding on to old grievances and making yourself a perpetual victim looking for retribution? Or more to the point, which of these two choices will make you and the world happier?

Be like Billy.

Find something you are passionate about and let the rest of your troubles melt away as you expand your horizons.

This way you may find what Albert Camus once did when he wrote that,

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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]]><![CDATA[You Don't Need To Be Happy All The Time]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/you-dont-need-to-be-happy-all-thehttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/you-dont-need-to-be-happy-all-theTue, 20 Jun 2023 13:00:28 GMT
A square and orange cartoon character looks unhappy or upset although only the eyes, eyebrows, and parts of the arms are shown.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by mattar from Pixabay


Did you know that you don’t need to be happy all the time? In fact, how could it be good for us to expect or demand that we be in a state of contentment and bliss every single day? The brain needs a break from stimulation. Actually we adapt to all kinds of input precisely because being psyched up all the time would be exhausting and untenable. We get used to novelty relatively quickly for good reason. It’s not long before we stop smelling freshly baked bread, for example, and any new environment or object within soon becomes background so that we can be alerted to any changes.

Yet, we believe that we should be happy all the time, so much so that we seek it everyday. And some of us do so in maladaptive ways, for example, by seeking the “highs” of illicit drugs or alcohol1, and/or overindulging in unhealthy foods or risky behavior that seem to promise a jolt of happiness.

But why the obsession with only feeling good? Going down this path will leave us unprepared for what life will inevitably deliver, which will include moments of sadness, of frustration, of pain, of anger. Experiencing the whole range of emotions is what makes us human and able to develop more sophisticated responses such as empathy, problem solving, resilience, and personal growth.

Here is where pondering the life and times of a musical genius such as Brian Wilson, who reached the highest levels of celebrity and fame while struggling with anxiety, addiction and depression, is instructive.

Brian Wilson: I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times (1995) is a documentary directed by Don Was about the life of musical genius Brian Wilson, who was one of the founders and the lead songwriter for the famed American rock band, The Beach Boys.

Imagine being able to write the most joyful and cheerful music and at the same time create music that is deeply introspective, moving, and touching. Obviously, such a person would need to feel the full depth of all the emotions that are available to us. The result is music that soothes, that provides solace, that allows your inner child to come out and play. But perhaps most importantly, when you are feeling down, this is music that will let you know with certainty that everything is going to be alright.

If you’ve never listened to The Beach Boys, do yourself a favor and take a moment to experience the magic of finding out through their music who and what you are — a dynamic, all encompassing person who is not afraid of boredom or melancholy and can therefore soar with joy and lightness when natural life events call for it.

Enjoy!

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1

Please, just say, “No” to drugs.

]]><![CDATA[How To Deal With Rejection ]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/how-to-deal-with-rejectionhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/how-to-deal-with-rejectionTue, 13 Jun 2023 13:02:09 GMT
A wooden stamp leaves a red mark with the word “denied” in large capital letters.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay


Rejection hurts. It is a special kind of pain that shatters your reality as it delivers its bitter blow. It attacks you on two very different levels, leaving you with a powerful mixture of confusion and sorrow coursing though your mind and body.

The confusion comes because the reality, the understanding you had that allowed you to envision the positive outcome that you were after and allowed you to feel that you had a good chance, or a strong possibility of obtaining your goal, is completely destroyed. Instead of getting the happy news, the answer you get back is “no.” Not for you. You don’t get the prize. You don’t get the honor. You don’t get the win. Suddenly, you don’t know how things work anymore, how you fit in, how you’ll succeed, and nothing makes sense. It is a disorientating whirlwind, where you can’t find a footing that would help you figure out how and why you were so wrong.

View from the Top (2003) is a comedy directed by Bruno Barreto about Donna Jensen (Gwyneth Paltrow), a woman from a small town without many future prospects who follows the advice of an ex-flight attendant and motivational speaker, Sally Weston (Candice Bergen), to start a new life.

  • Life Lesson: Know that you are valuable, so don’t settle for less, even if others are trying to keep you down.

And then there is the sorrow. You have to deal with the sense of loss for what you thought you were going to get, what you thought you deserved, what you worked for, what you prepared for, what you expected. That’s why you put yourself through all these past difficulties and traumas. You saw that it could happen to others, so you thought it could happen to you, too. And you were ready, you spent so much time and energy getting ready for it. But now your dream is left in shatters, smashed right before your eyes.

It’s a double whammy that cuts deeply. It nicks the very core of your identity. It humiliates you and renders you a complete fool for not knowing that your place is at the bottom, not near the top as you had imagined. Of course you have every right to feel hurt, to feel angry. It’s ok.

It’s ok. You are going to be ok. Yes, it’s bad. Oh, how it hurts. How sad. You just wanted some joy, something beautiful to happen to you. It didn’t seem so unreasonable. You see evidence that many other people, tons of people, get to have what you also long for, and it’s nothing really too extraordinary. It’s actually pretty common. But for reasons that you don’t understand, that you don’t want to accept, you don’t get to have what you want.

Legally Blonde (2001) is a comedy directed by Robert Luketic about Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), a college student who enters Harvard Law School in an effort to win back her ex-boyfriend, Warner (Matthew Davis), who broke up with her because she didn’t fit his elitist image of a future senator’s wife.

How does one come to terms with rejection? Obviously a grieving period is needed, to get over the shock, to recover from the blow to the sense of self, and to adjust to the new harsh reality that you didn’t know was there. And then, hopefully, after just a couple of days of mourning for what was, you have to let go of the anger.

So what that someone put you down, and judged you so negatively? You don’t have to keep picking at this wound, making yourself feel rejected over and over again. It’s done. Once is enough. Get yourself to a different environment. Use this information to treat yourself with kindness and find what constructive criticism you can identify that can help you improve your chances in the future.

The Joy Luck Club (1993) is a drama based on the book by Amy Tan and directed by Wayne Wang about the lives of four women friends — Suyuan (Kieu Chinh), Lindo (Tsai Chin), Ying-Ying (France Nuyen), An-Mei (Lisa Lu) — and their mothers and daughters.

Yes, you fell on your face today, you are a little bruised, you are shaken, you feel embarrassed. But the road is long, and all you have to do is pick yourself back up, dust off, and put one foot in front of the other. You can keep going, you can keep dreaming, you can keep getting better.

And even if that one thing you want never happens to you, this path—of having joy in your heart anyway as you hold on to your beautiful dreams, as you keep trying as much as possible—is a much better, much happier, path than the one where anger leads.

Wayne’s World (1992) is a comedy directed by Penelope Spheeris about Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers) and Garth Algar (Dana Carvey), two underachieving friends who host a public-access cable show that is bought by a sleazy tv executive, Benjamin Kane (Rob Lowe).

If you keep the anger you will lose out on the happiness that is down the road because you won’t see it. Don’t do that to yourself. Even though it’s hard, pain will pass, humiliations will fade. Hold yourself up with dignity. Rise above the rejection. Treat it as valuable information you were given, and then keep going. The road is long, and you will feel strong, you will feel whole, and you will find that many rewards await.

Rejection is temporary. How you grow from it and how you embrace new understandings will help you immensely for the rest of your life.

The movies mentioned above all show how to deal with various kinds of rejection and how to thrive in spite of it. May they be of comfort if that is what you need today.

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]]><![CDATA[Are You Ok? Yes, You Are Ok!]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/are-you-ok-yes-you-are-okhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/are-you-ok-yes-you-are-okTue, 30 May 2023 13:01:39 GMT
A blue and red cartoon award ribbon has the word “OK” written in white in the center and the word “moviewise” underneath.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Elis Antonio Rios from Pixabay


There is a quote by renowned astronomy professor Carl Sagan that serves as good, solid, life advice:

Keeping an open mind is a virtue—but, as the space engineer James Oberg once said, not so open that your brains fall out.

With slight modifications, this sentiment can be applied to a wide range of situations:

Do not be so tolerant that you accept injustice, or as famed novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky put it:

Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles.

Or, do not be so sure about something that you completely stop questioning, as Voltaire stated:

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.

Basically what all of these quotes are urging is moderation. Stay in the middle, in the center, near the peak of the normal curve, as much as you can for as many situations as it is possible. In other words, remember that most things follow the bell curve, or the normal distribution.

Virtue is the golden mean between two vices,
the one of excess and the other of deficiency. — Aristotle

Hence, wouldn’t it be true that the most accurate approximation of the truth, of reality, would tend to be in between the two possible extremes, that is, in the middle of the two tails of the bell curve? This is actually used in scientific fields such as astronomy, and it’s called the mediocrity principle, which basically says to assume that each individual case is an average or typical representation because that is most probable, e.g. assume that our sun is an average star, and Earth is a moderate-sized planet, which is in fact what has been observed. Therefore, in most cases it’s probably wise to find the polar opposite of an idea and seek to understand the moderate or central position, that is, the “golden mean,” that includes bits of both sides.

Extremes are easy. Strive for balance. — Colin Wright

Most of us would do well to follow this recommendation, particularly when it comes to how we see ourselves. Somehow we fall into extremes when we label ourselves or when we categorize other people. Rare are those who would happily describe themselves as average or within the norm in anything from looks, to intelligence, to beliefs, to priorities. Somehow we are encouraged to define ourselves and others in extremes: she is gorgeous or hideous, a brilliant mind or a dummy, he is a die hard fan or a poser, a driven person or a lazy bum.

Is it not acceptable to just be ok looking, to be of moderate intelligence, or be mildly interested in something, or a good worker? The irony, of course, is that most of us are in the middle. We are neither ugly nor beautiful; we’re somewhere in between, which is also likely true in matters of intelligence, our work ethic, our abilities, and our productivity, since most human characteristics from height and weight to blood pressure and cholesterol levels to income distribution and consumer spending follow a bell curve distribution. Most of us perform within the normal range, near the peak of the bell curve, most of the time, just like the majority of others do. Why should this be judged so negatively? Why can’t we embrace being ordinary, common, plain, typical, normal?

It’s as if we think we are worse than we truly are or much better, unreasonably so, than we really are. But an under-inflated or over-inflated sense of self is not realistic and is therefore not healthy, nor is it healthy to ascribe lopsided, simplistic, all encompassing, absolutist descriptors to others, particularly if you’ve never even met the person in question!

How can we solve problems in the real world if we are under the fog of distorted beliefs about ourselves and others? Not well, obviously. Hence, the priority should be to learn how to look at the cold-hard facts, without fear, without embarrassment, without judgement, and be able to accept ourselves, and others, as we truly are, which is likely somewhere in the middle, neither good nor bad, neither angel nor devil, neither truth sayer nor liar.

What if a person is neither worthless nor a diamond in the rough? What if he or she is just in the middle, the salt of the earth—a good, reasonable, straightforward, humble person? Is this so bad? Why would just being an average, ok person not be good enough?

Enter the philosophy of Mr. Rogers, the beloved children’s television producer and entertainer, who was also an ordained Presbyterian minister and hosted a long running educational series called, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor (2018) is a documentary directed by Morgan Neville about the career of children’s television host Fred Rogers, who developed and starred in the show, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, for more than 30 years.

  • Life Lesson: You can only love and accept others as they are if you love and accept yourself first.

The main message Mr. Rogers wanted both children and adults to hear from his TV show is found in the lyrics to the song, “I Like You as You Are”:

I like you as you are
Exactly and precisely
I think you turned out nicely
And I like you as you are […]

I like your disposition
Your facial composition
And with your kind permission
I’ll shout it to a star.

I like you as you are
I wouldn’t want to change you
Or even rearrange you
Not by far.

I like you

I went home my senior year for a vacation, and I saw this new thing called television. And I saw people throwing pies in each other’s faces. And I thought, “this could be a wonderful tool. Why is it being used this way?” […] There are so many people who will just lump them all together, and say, “hey kids, come along. We’ll see the next cartoon.” And they couldn’t care less about what that cartoon is saying to the child about such things as human dignity. […] I’ll tell you what children need. They need adults who will protect them from the ever-ready molders of their world. […] And one of my main jobs, it seems to me, is to help through the mass media for children, to help children through some of the difficult modulations of life.
— Fred Rogers

And of course what Mr. Rogers was really trying to convey by saying, “I like you as you are” is “I love you.” It’s an expression of unconditional love because as he put it, “Love is at the root of everything: all learning, all parenting, all relationships. Love or the lack of it. And what we see and hear on the screen is part of who we become.”

This last sentiment is echoed in a beautiful quote by film critic Roger Ebert, “To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts.”

It makes one wonder if a significant reason for the world’s troubles is the result of people who have not accepted themselves and instead seek to make others—or demand others—give them the love they can’t give themselves.

Also, it’s really not possible to love others if you don’t love yourself. And you can’t love yourself if you can’t accept yourself, which doesn’t mean what you do or what categories you belong to. It means who you are underneath the masks we put on, underneath the labels, underneath the fashion clothes, the makeup and hair styles, the espousing and joining in the current political, cultural, or media-driven fad.

Who you are is the child within, the person who wants to love and be loved. And Mr. Rogers wants you to know that you’re fine, just the way you are.

Knowing that should help you find your way toward peace, harmony, and tranquility so that you can become a good neighbor and create the kind of nurturing, understanding community that Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood represented as he envisioned in the opening theme song of every episode, “Won't You Be My Neighbor”:

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So let’s make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we’re together we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

Won’t you be my neighbor?

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]]><![CDATA[Don’t Worry; Have A Happy New Year!]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/dont-worry-have-a-happy-new-yearhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/dont-worry-have-a-happy-new-yearTue, 03 Jan 2023 14:01:27 GMT
An illustration of a winter landscape with hills and trees covered in snow and the word ‘moviewise’ floating in the sky.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Satheesh Sankaran from Pixabay

They lose the day in expectation of the night, and the night in fear of the dawn.

— Seneca

Perhaps you are the type of person who gets stressed out easily. Maybe the end of the year gets to you. It may be that the holiday season with all its demands and the expectations for the new year weigh heavily on you. In that case you are among the many whom the great stoic philosopher from Ancient Rome, Seneca the Younger, is counseling here:

The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable.

There are more things … likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.

What I advise you to do is, not to be unhappy before the crisis comes; since it may be that the dangers before which you paled as if they were threatening you, will never come upon you; they certainly have not yet come.

The truth is nothing will harm you unless you let it, or can’t escape it. If you can’t prevent a harm there is no use in wasting any energy on worrying about it. Also, there is no use in crying over it after it happens since it can’t be undone. So why not try to be free of troublesome thoughts? Why not try to calm your mind?

There is real enlightened wisdom in the line spoken by one of the main characters in the 1948 film, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, “the worst ain’t so bad when it finally happens.” Whatever bad thing happens, it probably won’t crush you, so why suffer in expectation beforehand, particularly when there is a chance nothing bad will happen? All that wasted energy being given to negative thoughts, pessimistic attitudes, and catastrophizing. All that life wasted feeling bad, when it could have been used to have positive, optimistic, whimsical, lovely thoughts instead.

You do yourself more harm, that is, you harm yourself, by worrying about the future. There is a splendid American saying that sums up how one really ought to look at things, which is, “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” If trouble really appears, that is of concern only to a future you, and if in the present you stay positive, then you’ll give future you the confidence to handle any sort of problem adroitly and with flair.

Need some more examples? Here are a few movies where some worrywart, neurotic characters figure out how to be free of their anxieties and enjoy life for once:

Life Lesson: Don’t let fear paralyze you.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)

Life Lesson: Figure out what you really are afraid of.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)

Life Lesson: “But above all, in order to be, never try to seem.”
― Albert Camus
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)

Life Lesson: If you want to have a good relationship with someone, then don’t hold back. Give it all you’ve got.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)

Life Lesson: A good friend can make all the difference in your life.
🍿Movie Scene Link (movie quote)

Please take heed of the last word to the wise, coming to you from a man who lived over 2,000 years ago:

True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.

— Seneca

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]]><![CDATA[On "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" (1988)]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-who-framed-roger-rabbit-1988https://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-who-framed-roger-rabbit-1988Tue, 29 Nov 2022 14:01:11 GMT
Three movie posters side by side for the movies Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Sullivan’s Travels, and Back to the Future.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble

Sometimes movies can be an experience—a new, eye-opening event that is thrilling and amazing. Back to the Future (1985) is an example of such a movie, as is Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988), and not surprisingly, these two fantastic films were directed by the same person: by the great, the masterful, the one and only Robert Zemeckis.

Not enough praise can be bestowed on this remarkable filmmaker and the jaw-dropping movies he’s made over the years. But no movie is as unique and special as Who Framed Roger Rabbit. This is a movie that seamlessly combines 2D animation with live action in a story with adult themes that includes murder and sexual innuendo, provided by a very voluptuously-drawn Jessica Rabbit.

It’s crossover squared, as the animation includes all the recognizable cartoons from various studios such as Disney’s Mickey Mouse, Dumbo, and Snow White; Looney Tunes characters such as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Tweety Bird; and even black-and-white toons from Fleischer Studios such as Betty Boop. What a world! What a fun idea, and what a great show of goodwill from competing studios to allow their creations to co-exist in the same universe! The combination of all these cartoons together adds so much to the realism of the movie, and goes a long way toward making the society of Roger Rabbit believable. Why aren’t more movies made this way?

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a must-see film just for the sheer splendor of seeing cartoon characters interacting in our human world. Is this not the dream of childhood? There is something quite enchanting about that. It’s real-life magic, and the delight and wonder that it brings must be experienced by everyone. But the movie also has a great suspenseful story that keeps getting more and more surprising. Countless times we don’t know how the heroes are going to get out of danger, how they are going to solve the mystery, or who the bad guys really are. It’s an intricate, complex story that contains all the best aspects of a suspenseful murder mystery.

But what is it all about? What is the message of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Why it’s none other than the reveal from the influential Sullivan’s Travels (1941), the grandfather of them all, and probably the first film to verbalize an earnest defense of comedy films:

John Sullivan: I want to make a comedy. […] I’ll tell you something else. There’s a lot to be said for making people laugh. Did you know that’s all some people have? It isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.

Roger Rabbit: That’s right. A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have.

What more do you want from life than to experience laughter on a regular basis? What more do you really need? What (besides food, sleep, shelter, and exercise) is more important to your mental health and well-being? Nothing I tell ya! Nothing.

So please watch comedies, and especially all three of these films. They are what filmmaking strives to be. If you don’t at the very least find them to be entertaining, then may the universe have mercy on your soul and treat you kinder very soon. But if you find them as profound as I do, then welcome to movie enlightenment.

Let’s find some more of this together!

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]]><![CDATA[Reaching The Divine Through Movies]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/reaching-the-divine-through-movieshttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/reaching-the-divine-through-moviesTue, 15 Nov 2022 14:01:22 GMT
Drops of water fall on a liquid surface creating a large ripple.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Arek Socha on Pixabay

“Cleanliness is next to godliness” is a common, seemingly quaint expression which many interpret to mean that having good personal hygiene is as important as being a good person. In the sense that hygiene can help us keep diseases that are borne from bacteria and viruses away from others, there absolutely is validity in this. Few things are a greater good than preventing disease. But perhaps there is something more to this saying, something more profound, about reaching a higher more enlightened plane of existence—one that is closer to the perfect, to the divine—by devoutly practicing cleanliness in all its forms.

For to be clean is not just a matter of basic hygiene or of being organized and tidy, but also of being a good decent person, of being pure of heart and mind, noble and dignified. This idea is skewered and laughed at in our culture, as is done in the absurd comedy, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1980), for example. Here is a movie that takes the legend of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table—along with the ennobling themes of honor, loyalty, fealty, chastity, courage—and trashes them all. It’s a pretty funny movie, so that’s not the problem because if anything is a treasure, a gift, a godsend, it is laughter.

The problem is that somewhere along the way we seemed to have collectively forgotten that these ennobling wholesome traits are real and that we can indeed achieve them. In fact, not only can we achieve them, but if we strived to be honorable loyal people of good character—who worked towards having genteel manners, honesty and integrity, bravery and courage, purity of body and soul—wouldn’t we create heaven on Earth, right here, right now? Well? Wouldn’t we?

The number of movies that showcase these virtuous traits are vast. We find the honorable, valiant, loyal person represented in the princes of fairy tales, the coaches and athletes in sports movies, the school teachers in dramas:

  • Sleeping Beauty (1959)

    • Life Lesson: True love conquers all.

  • Rocky (1976)

    • Life Lesson: Push yourself to reach your full potential.

  • Friday Night Lights (2004)

    • Life Lesson: If you want to improve your situation, give it all you’ve got and get the job done.

  • The Karate Kid (1984) 

    • Life Lesson: Learn to defend yourself in a way that should gain the respect of your opponents.

We find kind, respectful, genteel manners represented in the fairies found in fables, the heroes in war movies, the mentors in fantasies:

  • Cinderella (1950)

    • Life Lesson: Never stop believing in your dreams.

  • Casablanca (1942)

    • Life Lesson: Sometimes a situation calls for you to be the noble hero.

  • Mary Poppins (1964) 

    • Life Lesson: Don’t be so absorbed in routine that you miss the wonders around you.

We find honesty and integrity, bravery and courage, purity of body and soul in documentaries about athletes, artists, inventors, builders:

  • Addicted to Life (Nuit de la Glisse) (2014)

    • Life Lesson: Enjoy life—do things that make you feel alive.

  • Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead (2010)

    • Life Lesson: You will be healthier if your diet consists mostly of fresh fruits and vegetables. The foods highest in nutrients per calorie are: 1) green vegetables, 2) raw vegetables, 3) beans/legumes, 4) eggplant, mushrooms, 5) tomatoes, peppers, 6) fresh fruit. The most nutrient rich foods are: kale, collards, spinach and bok choy.

  • Kings of Pastry (2009)

    • Life Lesson: Don’t let adversity — difficulties, misfortune — stop you. Finish a task you set out to do. Finishing is its own reward, and only those who finish are eligible to win.

Artistry, craftsmanship, beauty—are these not the paths to transcendence that lead to the divine?

The biggest lesson from all of this is simply that there is more to life than mere survival. There is more that we can achieve than just base, angry struggle in the muck. We can become more noble, more dignified and proper, through work, through effort, through a way of being that allows us to climb up the great chain of being, vanquish the ordinary, reach the extraordinary, the beautiful, the sublime, the marvelous—and transcend onto another stage as we live and breathe.

The movies above give a hint as to how—so rise and be better than yourself!

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.

― Socrates

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]]><![CDATA[Don’t Take Love For Granted ]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/dont-take-love-for-grantedhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/dont-take-love-for-grantedTue, 04 Oct 2022 13:01:00 GMT
Three hearts created by a ring of daisy flowers on a wooden floor.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by congerdesign on Pixabay

Don’t take love for granted. This bears repeating because it’s important, and because apparently it’s not easy to do. It’s too bad that we’re such adaptable creatures that we get used to having a treasure and forget how remarkable, and rare, it is to love and be loved by someone. Why can’t the thrill and novelty of love last forever at its initial intensity? Sadly, that’s just how our brains work. But if we’re being honest, it would probably be too much to handle for everyday life. We need to get the chores done, after all! So we really can’t be dazzled and enamored all the time, if we’re to survive the rigors of living. But sometimes the distractions of life can be too much, and these may unfortunately result in taking love, and our loved ones, for granted.

We are, however, reminded of our strong bonds of love when they are threatened, when sickness or danger befalls someone we love, for example. But there is a better way. We can also make the effort—a conscious, intentional, mindful effort—to appreciate those who have shown love to us, to feel the grandness of that connection, so that they know that we care, that we are grateful, and that we love them back.

Here are a few movies that will help put a little love in your heart, which as Jackie DeShannon sang, will make the world a better place:

Splash (1983) is a fantasy directed by Ron Howard about Allen Bauer (Tom Hanks), a man who befriends a mermaid (Daryl Hannah) and learns how to love.

The Princess Bride (1987) is a fantasy-romance based on the book by William Goldman and directed by Rob Reiner about a poor farmhand named Westley (Cary Elwes) who rescues Princess Buttercup (Robin Wright), and wins her love.

  • Life Lesson: True love means being able to say “as you wish.”

Scrooged (1988) is a comedy directed by Richard Donner, adapted from Charles Dickens’ classic book, A Christmas Carol, about Frank Cross (Bill Murray), a cold-hearted TV executive who is given the chance to change his callous ways by three ghosts.

My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) is a comedy directed by P.J. Hogan about Jules (Julia Roberts), a professional single woman who has difficulty maintaining romantic relationships and loses the man she loves, Michael (Dermot Mulroney), because she cannot express her true feelings.

  • Life Lesson: Do not take loved-ones for granted. Let them know you love them, or you might lose them.

The Wedding Singer (1998) is a comedy directed by Frank Coraci about Robbie Hart (Adam Sandler), a struggling musician who finds out what true love is when he meets Julia Sullivan (Drew Barrymore), a waitress.

  • Life Lesson: Find someone to love who wants to grow old with you.

Two Weeks Notice (2002) is a comedy written and directed by Marc Lawrence about Lucy Kelson (Sandra Bullock), a lawyer who takes a position with a large corporation in order to save a community center, but finds that her boss, George Wade (Hugh Grant), is too demanding. 

Shazam! (2019) is a fantasy directed by David F. Sandberg about Billy Batson (Asher Angel), a boy who gains the powers of a superhero, Shazam (Zachary Levi), while searching for his family.

When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

― Paulo Coelho

Feeling love toward someone redeems us. It uplifts us. We become better, more compassionate, people. We care more, and we are able to show affection toward others, even strangers, to a greater extent. Isn’t this the way toward peace, both internal and global? Yes, of course! It seems so obvious now, and the answer was there all along—but, regrettably, we took the power of love for granted.

Or, we did. Thanks to the reminders from the movies above, that won’t happen to us anytime soon.

And by the way, thank you for reading this. I love you for it!

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]]><![CDATA[The Wisdom Of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (1986)]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/the-wisdom-of-ferris-buellers-dayhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/the-wisdom-of-ferris-buellers-dayTue, 06 Sep 2022 13:00:56 GMT
A photo of puffy white clouds against a bright blue sky.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Gianni Crestani on Pixabay


Writer, director, producer John Hughes was the epitome of American cinema in the 1980’s, delivering earnest, funny, truthful films full of meaning and wisdom. I’ve previously written about one of the greatest films ever, Pretty in Pink (1986), and here we explore the layers of Life Lessons embedded in another incredible movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986).

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) is a comedy written and directed by John Hughes about Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), a high school senior who knows that time is running out to be with his friends and decides to skip school in order to enjoy a day with them.

The movie starts with the words, “It is a beautiful day in Chicago today. Temperatures expected to reach the upper 70s.” Then Ferris, a high school senior faking an illness so he can skip school says, “how could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?” while views of puffy white clouds against a sunny blue sky appear on screen.

  • Life Lesson #1

    When was the last time you looked up at the sky and appreciated its wonder and beauty?

Yes, faking an illness is a little bit childish and stupid, but then, so is high school, according to Ferris. And of course, he’s not wrong. In fact, what he says next is the main theme of the movie, the core Life Lesson it is trying to have you embrace, embody, and remember for all your days to come.

  • Life Lesson #2

    Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. 
    — Ferris Bueller

Then the fun begins.

  • Life Lesson #3

    It’s not that I condone fascism, or any “ism,” for that matter. “Isms,” in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an “ism.” He should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon. “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.”
    — Ferris Bueller

In other words, the way to make the world better is not to try to change others, or become a soldier or pawn in someone else’s fight, but rather to believe in yourself, your value, your worth, your rights—and behave accordingly. Here a quote from Steve Jobs seems fitting:

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. — Steve Jobs

What happens when you don’t believe in yourself? Meet Cameron Frye (Alan Ruck), the reason we’re here. Miserable, depressed, filled with angst, anger, fear, pessimism, and anxiety, Ferris’ best friend Cameron, a person who feels better when he’s sick, is the anti-Ferris, symbolizing the darkness of life. Sound familiar?

  • Life Lesson #4

    You’re not dying. You just can’t think of anything good to do.
    — Ferris Bueller

Contrast Cameron’s morose ennui with Ferris’ joy of living. How differently two people can experience the same sunny day is the insight being given to us in this movie, and it’s a similar message explored in an earlier essay, Are You “Socially Mad” Or “Capably Glad”?

But another enemy of a happy life is embodied by the Dean of Students at Ferris’ high school, Mr. Edward R. Rooney (Jeffrey Jones), who personifies the kind of people who try to control others and become vindictive, power-hungry, busybodies and killjoys in the process. How could that ever result in the greater good?

Mr. Rooney believes that Ferris is a threat to his authority because “he gives good kids bad ideas.” But actually Ferris is a threat to his authority because for the Dean of Students, “good kids” simply means kids he can control. Ferris is like Puck in Shakespeare’s play, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and is more interested in liberating the kids to help them be happier, which is certainly not a priority for Mr. Rooney.

But what results from Mr. Rooney’s obsession with trying to catch Ferris so he can be punished for his impish, rule-breaking, unorthodox behavior? All that follows from Mr. Rooney being so hell-bent on vengeance is bad karma1. His car gets towed, his pants ripped, his shoes damaged, he gets kicked, beaten up, and humiliated. Again, contrast his day to Ferris’ day on the same sunny morning. Could Mr. Rooney have made better, happier choices? Yes. Of course he could have. That’s the point of the movie.

Another character who makes the wrong choices is Cameron’s father, who hasn’t yet learned this lesson:

  • Life Lesson #5

    Don’t prioritize material things over relationships.

Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love. It is his passion… Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.

Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn’t deserve such a fine automobile.

Then they take the Ferrari out for a drive, “Come on live a little” Ferris says to Cameron—and that they do.

Don’t you wish you had a Ferris Bueller to drag you into having a good time every now and then?

A car ride in a beautiful car on a beautiful day with your friends seeing new things exploring the world, dining at a fancy restaurant, going to a baseball game, visiting a museum and enjoying priceless works of art, participating in a parade singing and dancing. When was the last time you did any of that? Have you done any of that?

Do you know what you are doing when you wake up in the morning? Have you allowed yourself to have new experiences, new perspectives? Enjoying the craftsmanship of the finer things in life is a delight. It’s a joy. Have you tried seeking them out? Do you know how to live yet?

  • Life Lesson #6

    You can never go too far.
    — Ferris Bueller

To obtain ultimate freedom, you must deal with your fear. Or, as Ferris puts it, “Only the meek get pinched; the bold survive. […] If we played by the rules, we’d be in gym.” Being brave and daring is equivalent to joy.

Cameron: I realized it was ridiculous being afraid, worrying about everything, wishing I was dead. All that shit. I’m tired of it. […] I gotta take a stand. I’m bullshit. I put up with everything. My old man pushes me around. I never say anything! Well, he’s not the problem. I’m the problem. I gotta take a stand. I gotta take a stand against him. I am not gonna sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it. […] I’m just tired of being afraid.

For the first time in his life, he’s going to be just fine.

There is a third force that gets in the way of happiness, and that is demonstrated by Ferris’ sister Jeanie (Jennifer Grey), who represents the kind of person who is bitter, resentful, jealous, and easily driven to hostility toward others, particularly those who seem more successful. This is just negative energy upon negative energy. And where does this lead her? To the same dark place filled with bad karma as Mr. Rooney. She gets into trouble with her parents and the police. Her sunny day is spent in anger, aggravated, full of spite. Again, could she have made better, happier choices?

Could you?

Or, are you just torturing yourself like Cameron?

Is your problem—you?

Jeanie meets a boy (Charlie Sheen) at the police station who sets her straight, “You ought to spend a little more time dealing with yourself, a little less time worrying about what your brother does,” he tells her. Isn’t that good advice? Wouldn’t the whole world be a happier place if more people dealt with themselves, bettered themselves, learned new skills, and spent less time worrying about what other people do?

That’s what Ferris does, and everything works out for him, as it could for you. There is nothing he can’t handle, which is true of you as well. He can do anything, and so can you.

On their day off from school Ferris and his friends discover more about the world than they would have locked away in a school building all day, and we get to go on the ride along with them. In so doing, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off becomes a celebration of life, particularly aimed at those who feel they haven’t seen anything good today. Simply put, this movie is a gift, and you should watch it.

You’re still here?

It’s over.

I said it before and I’ll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

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1

From: Jainism, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reincarnation
“Actions and emotions in the current lifetime affect future incarnations depending on the nature of the particular karma. For example, a good and virtuous life indicates a latent desire to experience good and virtuous themes of life. Therefore, such a person attracts karma that ensures that their future births will allow them to experience and manifest their virtues and good feelings unhindered.[233] In this case, they may take birth in heaven or in a prosperous and virtuous human family. On the other hand, a person who has indulged in immoral deeds, or with a cruel disposition, indicates a latent desire to experience cruel themes of life.[234] As a natural consequence, they will attract karma which will ensure that they are reincarnated in hell, or in lower life forms, to enable their soul to experience the cruel themes of life.[234]”

]]><![CDATA[A Love Letter To "Pretty In Pink" (1986)]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/a-love-letter-to-pretty-in-pinkhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/a-love-letter-to-pretty-in-pinkTue, 02 Aug 2022 13:00:50 GMT
A bouquet of pink roses rests next to an ink pen and stationary paper with the word ‘Dear’ written in cursive.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Margrith Barille, and Brigitte Werner on Pixabay

After watching hundreds of movies, the character that I relate to most is Andie from Pretty in Pink (1986). Andie Walsh (Molly Ringwald) is a teenage girl from the poor side of town who makes her own prom dress so she can attend her high school’s dance. As a college student, I once made a dress for New Year’s out of a blue polkadot bedsheet, and with limited sewing skills, it was basically a hand-stitched body wrap. But it worked as a dress. No one ever noticed it as unusual (perhaps dim lights and alcohol consumption helped), and I got to go to a party, dine at a French restaurant (Au Pied De Cochon) after midnight, stay up until dawn, and have a memorable experience because of it.

Pretty in Pink (1986) is a drama directed by Howard Deutch and written/produced by John Hughes about Andie Walsh (Molly Ringwald), an independent, essentially parent-less, teenager from the poor side of town who is caught in a love triangle that forces her to rise above peer pressure and class discrimination.

The spirit of Andie, of facing the fear and doing it anyway, carried me through it. Without that drive I would have missed out on so much. This is the power and the potential of movies, which can model inspiring, beneficial, and constructive behavior that can positively affect audiences. Through movies we can be exposed to different values and get a glimpse of the consequences and benefits of being guided by various principles or beliefs. In Pretty in Pink, we see someone who demonstrates the courage of her convictions, is self-reliant, outspoken, and resilient. It’s an education in character, in every sense of the word. What better Life Lesson is there?

There is a brilliant and moving scene in the movie that shows all these characteristics playing out at once. Andie is standing outside, pacing, hesitating, about entering the dance and facing her classmates, some of whom are quite mean-spirited. Seeing the discomfort, the fear, the pep talk she gives herself, and the courage it takes for Andie to go through with it is quite impactful. Yes, at times it is a bit uncomfortable to watch, but this scene explains why of all the characters that I’ve met in movies, Andie remains the one that feels like being forced to look in a mirror and cringe at the truth revealed. And isn’t art supposed to hold a mirror to society and illuminate our inner workings so that we can challenge ourselves?

Andie arriving at the prom

This truth of ourselves that we wish we could hide, or wish weren’t true, is painful indeed. For me, the scene that makes me cringe the most in Pretty in Pink is when Andie is trying to hide where she lives from her date. She wants to hide her poverty, her shame. But her date, a rich guy—bless his heart—is so confused at her request to drop her off somewhere else that he keeps insisting on taking her home because being ashamed of where he lives has never—ever—occurred to him. It’s an amazingly intense scene.

Growing up fluctuating between rich kids and poor kids, I understand something about the pain of both. But from my experience, rich kids don’t typically feel that terrible shame about all the mundane stuff that is around us. Poor kids, meanwhile, can feel a real depth of embarrassment about their families, about their clothes, about their homes, and all other material possessions that many rich kids don’t even notice. There is a scene in Pretty in Pink where Andie is driving through the wealthy neighborhood looking at the grand homes and says, “That one’s my favorite. The house! I wonder what it’s like inside. You know what the really sad thing is, though? I bet the people that live there don’t think it’s half as pretty as I do.” I think there is a lot of truth in that.

Something else I noticed about the rich kids that I interacted with growing up is how carefree they were. They didn’t have to worry much about grades, so the social life, parties, extracurricular activities etc., were more important than studying, although they did do well in school. They didn’t care about the material stuff, so they didn’t look after their cars or expensive clothes or toys the way poorer kids did with the things they considered valuable. Everything was pretty disposable to a lot of well off kids because everything was easily replaceable. So the rich kids in my life matched some of the traits of the rich kids as portrayed in Pretty in Pink, who trash their homes at parties because, as Andie’s nemesis Steff (James Spader) says, “Come on, look around. Would I treat my parents’ house like this if money was any kind of issue?”

And of course I was not a rich kid. I was Andie, studying all the time, even at parties. I brought notecards with me to flip through with equations I needed to memorize. When Andie’s friend Jena (Alexa Kenin) asks her, “Why do you study so much? It makes me ill. I just don’t see the point.” She responds, “You don’t? —I don’t want to work in a record store my whole life.” What a straightforward way to describe this powerful motivation to improve one’s condition, a self-driving force that rich kids can never truly experience.

But the carefree attitude is really the gift of being well-off, while being forced to struggle with the limitations of poverty is as angst riddled as it gets. It’s very hard, I think, for someone who had a privileged upbringing to understand the feelings of shame of someone who has struggled financially. That’s why this movie is so good. We get both sides. Although the poor girl and the rich guy have difficulty communicating with each other, literally because they come from different worlds, they learn to overcome their differences and bridge the gap that is between them with the power of love. Isn’t that a fantastic story?

So there are all of these scenes where I see myself in Andie. I also had a classmate who tried to persuade me to be his girlfriend, as Andie’s friend Phil “Duckie” Dale (Jon Cryer) does to her in the movie. But like Andie, I was not interested in him no matter what he did or said to try to impress me. I hope I was kind, but it can get pretty annoying when someone keeps insisting on trying to form a romantic relationship when the feelings aren’t there. It’s such a vital and important lesson to learn to respect someone else’s wishes even if you really hope the other person would come around. In the movie, Andie’s pursuer eventually learns to accept rejection because he broadens his mind and sees things from her perspective. Specifically, Duckie sees that the guy Andie has fallen in love with, Blane McDonough (Andrew McCarthy), is a good person, although his previous bias against the wealthy prevented him from seeing it.

And there is one more reason, the most painful of all, that I identify with Andie. She is an essentially parentless teenager, which was my case as well. In the movie Andie’s mother has left them, and her father has not recovered and may be an alcoholic. Mine is more typical, in a sense. My parents divorced when I was around four years old and most of my childhood was spent living with different relatives, mainly my maternal grandparents, and even with friends and their families. The void and pain of not having two parents reliably at home is tremendous. It’s very discombobulating and unnerving, with long-lasting effects. But there aren’t too many movies that portray this need and want by teenagers to have at least one caring, loving, capable parent at home. And there is an argument to be made that the teen years are when children need the most parental attention, but too many people see teens as “young adults” who can take care of themselves, when the truth is they need a tremendous amount of guidance during this key developmental stage.

Andie, Iona, and Duckie at the record store

Andie has a pseudo mother in the movie, Iona (Annie Potts), her avant-garde boss at the record store she works at, whom she confides in and is the one who gives her the material that Andie uses to make her prom dress. I had two middle school teachers whom I went to talk to about my problems, even when I was in high school. I would drop in after school and just chat with them. I’m so lucky I had them, and they were so kind to counsel me. (Thank you Ms Tilney Wickersham and Mrs Clemontene Rountree.) I guess we look for what we need, and I needed these pseudo mothers a great deal. I actually believed my third grade teacher was my mother in disguise. I thought she was a secret agent who couldn’t live with us or be with us most of the time except covertly for a few hours at school. When I moved up to fourth grade, I was really confused as to why she stayed behind. Even as you grow past being a little kid into a brooding teenager and an adult, the desire to want to be taken care of by parents doesn’t disappear. I understood Andie’s pain, and the loss of not having your real mother there to guide you or comfort you in the way that only mothers can for their children.

So it’s such a gift to watch a beautiful movie represent your lived experience, your internal pain, and offer a brave and empowering way to handle the angst and the shame and the anger. Why don’t they make movies like this anymore?

The most instructive and valuable aspect of Pretty in Pink to me is that Andie is never portrayed as a victim. She is a hero in the truest sense of the word. She is a warrior who takes her life in her own hands and works to improve her situation. She is smart, she is confident, she is self assured, she is crafty. And in the end she finds happiness, no—she fights for her happiness—as did I, and I truly wonder how much this character became a role model for me and what impact this movie had in my eventual success, particularly when I was vacillating between being a good kid and being quite irresponsible.

I can’t know for sure, but I suspect that Pretty in Pink helped me a lot, and at the very least it is one of the movies that inspired me to create “moviewise: Life Lessons From Movies.” In a sense, this site became another way to parent myself, to find the advice and counsel from movies that I didn’t get from my biological parents, and it’s definitely helped me develop better, healthier, insights and coping mechanisms, which I hope is also true for readers.

Pretty in Pink, by the way, also has the best soundtrack of any movie I’ve ever seen, with many of the songs specifically written or re-recorded for the film. It is one of the most acclaimed musical compilations in modern cinema, and in 2013 was ranked #11 in Rolling Stone’s list of greatest soundtracks. The music, especially combined with the scenes, is so perfect, so beautiful, so touching.

Oh, and Pretty in Pink is very funny too. It has great dialogue and hilarious antics, particularly by the very talented Jon Cryer and comedian Andrew Dice Clay. There is so much of life in this movie! What a masterpiece it is. Thank you writer/producer John Hughes and director Howard Deutch, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, for making this jewel.

Please, please, go see it for yourself.

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]]><![CDATA[Are You Making The Best Of It?]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/are-you-making-the-best-of-ithttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/are-you-making-the-best-of-itTue, 12 Jul 2022 13:01:35 GMT
Two teddybears under an umbrella look out over a beautiful landscape while it rains.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by pixel2013 on Pixabay

When someone you care about makes a decision you disagree with, one inclination might be to wish them well nonetheless, or to hope that the decision results in their happiness anyway. It’s perhaps a way to console ourselves when we think that the person is making a mistake. This thought, of course, we also apply to ourselves. When we make decisions, it is with the implicit hope that eventually it will result in more happiness for us.

But thinking in terms of absolute happiness may not be the healthiest way to approach life choices. Any reflection on our past will likely reveal that we adapted to the level of happiness we tried to achieve at an earlier time, only to then look for another, higher, level. This phenomenon is known as the “hedonic treadmill”. Essentially, we’re never very happy for long, and the satisfaction gained from something is soon forgotten, only to be replaced by more pining and more striving. But this is actually a good thing because it pushes and motivates us to grow, to explore, to learn. If we were completely happy with the first stimulus that made us feel contentment, then we may never have gotten out of our cribs as babies. We’d still just be happily enjoying the environment of our rooms and doing nothing else.

However, the search for absolute happiness is a bit of a curse, a trap. The question really ought to be “are you making the best of it?,” which is more empowering, rather than “are you happy?,” which is more passive. You can’t really control how you feel about something. We receive all kinds of input that can cause us to feel negative emotions, whether it is a piece of news, or how someone talks to us, or what a person says to us, or does to us, or how someone we know is treated. Every time we interact with the world there is a risk of being aggrieved, some of us (who are maybe too sensitive) more so than others.

In a way, emotions are hoisted upon us, like a surprise attack. But the emotions we feel are just how our bodies react to new information, and this mostly occurs beyond our conscious control, so it’s a bit unfair and unrealistic to expect ourselves to always feel contentment and happiness. But what a difference it makes to reframe what we’re experiencing with the question, “are you making the best of it?” or, “how can you make the best of it?”

So while we can’t control a negative reaction our bodies have to disappointing news or negative experiences, we can refocus or minds toward healthier choices by asking ourselves how we can make the best of a bad situation or work with what we have. A bad trip can be salvaged; it can still lead to happy memories. A disappointing outcome can be a learning experience. A bout of self-doubt can lead to new interests. The theme here is resiliency, positivity, and embracing the idea that “there is no bad news; there are only blessings in disguise.” It’s the sentiment expressed in the song, and the movie musical, Singin’ in the Rain (1952).

I'm singing in the rain, just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feeling—I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love

The image here is of actor Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) tap dancing, splashing, and singing in the pouring rain. He’s making the best of the situation. In other words, why not enjoy what you can while in a metaphorical rain, rather than only focusing on the negative aspects of it and accentuating the misery?

Singin’ in the Rain (1952) is a comedy co-directed by Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly about Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly), a Hollywood superstar who falls in love with a dancer, Kathy Delden (Debbie Reynolds), which he tries to hide from his jealous onscreen partner Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen).

There is another stunning scene in this movie, and it’s one of the most impressive sequences ever committed to film. It’s an amazing feat of acrobatics and comedy. You really must, must, must see Singin’ in the Rain just for this scene, which reinforces the same message: make the best of it, sing in the rain, dance in the rain. And of course it’s done through a song called, “Make ‘em Laugh”

Though the world’s so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as—, but are we? No. Definitely, no. Positively, no. Decidedly, no. Uh-uh. Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all. And in the words of that immortal bard Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be led to the guillotine, “Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em laugh. Don’t you know everyone wants to laugh?”

Don’t YOU want to laugh? Don’t you want to let go of pain? “Don’t you want to finish the story? Let it all go and have a life that is not dictated by the past?” This last quote is from a beautiful speech by Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) in the movie Saving Mr. Banks (2013), which is another movie that essentially asks, “are you making the best of a bad situation?” We’re all figuratively headed toward “the guillotine”, to our demise, to our end. All of us, everyone who has ever lived, will eventually die. We all know this, which means we’re all on this same death march. Shouldn’t we make the best of it as much as possible, and as often as we can?

A final song along these lines in Singin’ in the Rain is called, “Good Morning,” which is another anthem of positivity:

Good Morning! Sun beams will soon smile through
Good Morning, Good Morning to you, and you, and you, and you
Good Morning! Good Morning!
We've gabbed the whole night through
Good Morning, Good Morning to you
In the morning, in the morning
It's great to stay up late
Good Morning, Good Morning to you!

What a great way to start the day—the first day of the rest of your life. So, why not make the best of it? What if it’s all we can do? What if it’s all we need to do to make our lives even better?

What if it’s the best tool we have?

And what if it allows us to discover the meaning of life?

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]]><![CDATA[On Good vs Evil or Contentment vs Anger]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-good-vs-evil-or-contentment-vshttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/on-good-vs-evil-or-contentment-vsTue, 14 Jun 2022 13:00:42 GMT
An illustration of three faces: sad, neutral, and happy, with a bent arrow pointing to the happy face.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Mohamed Hassan on Pixabay

If you are unfortunate enough to get drawn in by “the news,” an awful thing happens: the idea that there are some “evil” people in the world starts to make a lot of sense. This is why I recommend not spending too much of your time with “the news.” The simple reason is that it is not really helpful to think of others as “evil,” for how could doing so not affect the way you treat strangers? The possibility of descending into madness yourself because you are seeing evil monsters, instead of sentient beings, is real. The last thing you want to do is become vengeful and bitter, which are incidentally some of the very qualities found in classic movie villains, i.e. “evil monsters” such as:

In other words, what good is it to classify others as “pure evil”? The most likely outcome of doing this is grouping a wide variety of people together—including some who are completely innocent—in order to inflict some form of “justice” upon them, which would likely take the form of violence. This is the descent into madness referred to earlier.

No! If because of “the news” you find yourself seeing a side of the human race that is horrifying, which negatively affects your peace of mind, then take a break from it, and stop letting it teach you to hate others. That is wasted energy. Of course people do bad, harmful, inconsiderate things! The usefulness of “the news” is to alert you to threats so that you can be more mindful, more careful, more prudent. Once you’ve figured out what those threats are—which shouldn’t take very long or repeated viewings—you should just move on, lest you become paranoid and anxious, which are also traits found in classic movie villains, i.e. “evil monsters” such as:

But if “good” vs “evil” is not a good rubric to judge others against, then what is? I propose “contentment” vs “anger.” Why? Because contented, happy, satisfied people are unlikely to act out in monstrous violence. Meanwhile, angry people, who are really just very sad people, can indeed behave like cornered, wounded and dangerous wild animals. What is at the root of this sadness, this unfulfilled need that mutates into anger and sometimes violence? It is usually something along the lines of prolonged prior neglect or abuse. So there is a case to be made that more compassion toward angry people, rather than vengeance, is warranted.

However, for your safety, you should stay away from angry people as much as possible. Literally turn your cheek, look away, and head in the opposite direction. But above all, don’t let others make you into an angry person. Seriously question anyone who appears to be trying to make you feel vengeful and bitter, or paranoid and anxious, since this is essentially the path toward losing your humanity.

So how can you release your anger and find contentment? Get more comfortable. Relax. Here is one idea: how about watching a pleasant movie? Why? Because it turns out that physical pain or discomfort morphs into anger over time, as does emotional pain.

But the good news is that these can be alleviated. It is possible to self-soothe. It is possible to find contentment no matter your circumstance. It is possible to let go of anger, and if not forgive others, at least move on to enjoy the pleasures of life as classic movie heroes do, cheerfully and with kindness, and with goodwill toward others:

Please join us!

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]]><![CDATA[Going Through An Existential Crisis?]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/going-through-an-existential-crisishttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/going-through-an-existential-crisisTue, 12 Apr 2022 13:00:42 GMT
Four yellow balls have different facial expressions: sad, happy, angry, scared.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work by Gino Crescoli on Pixabay

First, let’s disentangle the difference between feeling sad, empty, and dissatisfied with life, versus wondering that the purpose of life is all about. They are somewhat related in that people who are content with life and the opportunities it offers don’t generally feel bad when thinking about philosophical questions like, what is the meaning of life?

The 2011 documentary movie Happy directed by Roko Belic delineates what makes people feel happy and satisfied according to various researchers. Before delving into an intellectual question about finding meaning and purpose in life, first make sure you are doing everything you need to do to feel good per the findings:

Want to feel fulfilled, elated, and ecstatic? Doing the things on the list above—and including the basics: getting enough physical exercise, sleep, nutrition, and hydration—will go a long way toward helping you get there. But if you look at the list carefully, most require at least one other person to join you. It’s more fun to play a sport or game with someone else, as is watching any kind of performance, be it a sporting event, be it a movie, be it a concert. It’s also true to some extent about having new experiences. Aren’t they all mostly better with someone who can witness, share, and reminisce with you about it? And obviously feeling connected to a community requires other people, groups of people even. Likewise, doing meaningful and helpful things implies doing so with and for others.

Hence, this article will focus on two things you can do by yourself: learning something—which combines engaging in play and having new experiences—and being grateful.

So what’s the real secret to happiness? It’s definitely *not* relying on other people to make you happy. And it’s certainly not demanding that they do. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You have to make it happen, as the titular Matilda does in the 1996 movie directed by Danny DeVito that was based on the children’s book by Roald Dahl.

But how? Actor and comedian Julia Louis-Dreyfus shared her secret in an episode of comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee:

Here’s something that my mom said to me, and I think it’s very true, in terms of happiness. You have to always have something to look forward to. And it can be a very minor thing, or it can be a major thing, but you always have to have something you’re looking forward to next.

Looking forward to something is most easily accomplished, believe it or not, when you’re learning a new skill. Sure, you can plan and look forward to visiting a tourist attraction, going out in nature, taking pictures, reading a book, doing something creative, eating/cooking something, and, of course, watching a movie. These things will bring you pleasure, joy, fun. They help you pass the time. But typically those feelings of happiness dissipate when you’ve finished the activity.

But what gives you drive, what motivates you, pushes you to forego creature comforts, and makes you leap out of bed in the morning? Learning. Have you ever figured out something? Have you ever taught yourself something? Have you ever set a goal to learn a craft? It’s amazing how much contentment and sheer satisfaction is found in finding something you are interested in learning and seeing yourself grow as your mind and skills expand while progressing through ever more complex levels. It’s like a video game, but better! Actively learning something stops time, or at least you won’t notice the passage of time because you’re so gratifyingly engaged in something. This is the state of “flow,” or the feeling of energized focus and enjoyment while engaged in an activity that is discussed in the 2011 documentary, Happy.

When people wonder about founders, inventors, scientists, the “workaholics” who seemingly dedicate their lives to their work, they rarely ask about the intrinsic motivations behind this behavior. But the adage from Mark Twain, “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” holds true. Do you want to know why people start companies, create new technologies, build new products? Because they’re having fun doing so.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.— Steve Jobs

Even after making gazillions of dollars and being able to afford a life of leisure, most “workaholics” choose to continue their work. Why? Because it is intrinsically rewarding and motivating to learn to do something, to discover something. This is happiness. And this is why the United States has been so successful in developing big international brands. Part of the American psyche is to encourage fun. It’s not just drills and homework, drudge work and toil. School includes recess, sports, and clubs. Companies often offer extensions of these. Entertainment in various forms is pervasive in the US, and why “moviewise” even exists at all.

But note that everything that is entertainment is the result of a skill, be it writing, coding, singing, running, jumping, cinematography, music composition, animation. And again the people that rise up the ranks because of these skills could also be fairly classified as “workaholics.” But guess what? You can learn *any* of these skills. As Steve Jobs once said:

Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you, and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

In other words, you can be a creator, not just a consumer. And in order to create, you must learn some skills. But once you find something that you really want to learn, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll be very content indeed while honing your skills, and probably won’t even have time to wonder about the meaning of life.

One documentary that demonstrates finding flow in work is Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011), which is the story of Japanese master chef Jiro Ono, who is a Shokunin, an expert craftsman who strives for perfection and feels great fulfillment and joy from yearning to improve bit by bit. He explains it thusly,

You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That’s the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably. […] . Even at my age, after decades of work, I don’t think I have achieved perfection. But I feel ecstatic all day. I love making sushi. That’s the spirit of the Shokunin. 

But there is one other source of happiness that at the very least reliably gives you a sense of wellbeing and peace: being truly grateful for what you already have. All you need to do is to look at the news to see the level of turmoil and suffering that is possible. With that in mind isn’t it reasonable, isn’t it logical, to focus on the positive things in your life that bring you comfort, security, satisfaction, joy, peace?

Let yourself be filled with the feeling of gratefulness as you appreciate the wonder of being alive. Look, you can have a favorite snack because you exist. Actually, you can have multiple favorite snacks, and hobbies, and pleasures. What kind of amazing miracle is this? Did you ever stop to ponder it from a place of awe and fascination?

So what’s the meaning or purpose of life? To learn—as much as you can about as many things as possible. So go, find something to be good at, dive into it, and don’t forget to also be grateful, be grateful, be grateful!

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]]><![CDATA[Facing Life’s Difficulties]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/facing-lifes-difficultieshttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/facing-lifes-difficultiesTue, 22 Feb 2022 14:00:07 GMT
A brick garden path is surrounded by colorful flowers.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble based on work on Pixabay

We are nothing; what we are looking for is everything.

—Friedrich Holderlin

There is a song written in 1967 by American country singer Billy Joe Royal with the lyrics:

I beg your pardon—I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, there’s gotta be a little rain sometime.

Isn’t it absolutely true that no one has ever promised you a rose garden? So why do you think you should get everything you want?

There is relief and peace of mind to be found in realizing that it is a bit demanding, a little bratty, and a tad strange to be disappointed that you don’t have it all right now. Why should you have it all? Didn’t you ever notice that life is struggle? You’re lucky if you have something. Cherish what you do have, and it will likely feel like it’s enough. Actually, if you do it well—it will feel like you have it all.

Below are a few movies that restate and reimagine this essential message, which is that perhaps you already have what you are looking for, so open your eyes and appreciate the wonders around you. But if you really don’t see it, then you should make getting it a priority. Here, the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson come to mind, particularly the last three:

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days moved Earth and Heaven, that which we are, we are—One equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Life will bring with it difficulties, but the ability to be happy and get through pain is also within you. Here are a few movies that demonstrate exactly how to do that:

The Wizard of Oz (1939) is a fantasy co-directed by Victor Fleming, based on the book by L. Frank Baum, about Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland), a farm girl from Kansas who travels to Oz, a strange city where she meets many unusual characters.

Life Lesson: You already have what you are looking for.

This classic and amazing movie has a time-honored, quintessential message that for some reason we constantly forget: There is no place like home. It’s a cousin to the idea that the things and people we take for granted will be greatly missed when they are gone. So why not make the effort to enjoy and cherish the time you can spend at home with your loved ones? If you can do this, then a curious thing happens: You realize that you can be happy anywhere.

Scrooged (1988) is a comedy directed by Richard Donner, adapted from Charles Dickens’ classic book, A Christmas Carol, about Frank Cross (Bill Murray), a cold-hearted TV executive who is given the chance to change his callous ways by three ghosts.

Life Lesson: “Put a little love in your heart, and the world will be a better place.”
—Jackie DeShannon

Scrooged is a modern retelling of Charles Dickens’A Christmas Carol, which is the standard-bearer for the message that you already have everything you need to be happy, and what’s more, your happiness can positively impact other people. To rephrase Jackie DeShannon’s words: put a little joy in your heart by celebrating special occasions, and the world will be a better place.

Kung Fu Panda (2008) is a humorous animated fantasy directed by Mark Osborne and John Stevenson about an unlikely hero, Po, a warrior panda voiced by Jack Black, who trains to become the legendary Dragon Warrior.

Life Lesson: Physical appearance does not determine ability.

To be able to see your own potential is a gift. To be able to see your potential when you don’t fit the mold is a superpower. And this is the core of the message the movies listed here are trying to get at. You don’t need to look a particular way, or act like someone else, or be anyone else. With the combinations of traits and experiences that you possess, you have what you need to succeed even if you’ve never seen someone like you do so. The words of Albert Camus come to mind, “But above all—in order to be, never try to seem.”

Big (1988) is a comedic fantasy directed by Penny Marshall about Josh Baskin (Tom Hanks), a 12-year-old boy who wants to be “big” and gets his wish granted by a Zoltar Speaks fair machine, which turns him into an adult who gets a job at a toy company and a girlfriend, Susan (Elizabeth Perkins).

Life Lesson: Be careful what you wish for; you might just get it.

With this wonderful, funny movie we get a modern retelling of Dorothy’s journey to Oz, which is now New York City. Again, the main character, Josh, played masterfully by Tom Hanks, learns that there is no place like home. And again we get to see the same theme materialize that lets you know you had it good all along. If only we could accept that which we are, we are—then we could open ourselves to experiencing so much more joy and contentment.

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.

— Henri Matisse

It’s an interesting observation that if we feel satisfied and happy with our lives, then being kind to others and ourselves is quite effortless. Moreover, it is during these times that we are able to truly—from the bottom of our hearts—feel happy for the achievements and successes of other people. We are able to partake in their triumph. We rejoice for them. We are sincerely glad for them. Life seems beautiful and we all feel blessed.

But if things are not going well, and we are not satisfied or happy with our lives, then it is quite a monumental task to bury the jealousy, resentment, anger, and/or bitterness that may bubble up in order to muster the energy to force yourself to feel happy for someone who at that point will seem to unfairly have it all—while you have nothing! It is through clenched teeth then that you offer your congratulations because there are few things more painful than seeing someone succeed in life while you struggle to survive. But overcome this pain we must.

No one said it would be easy. No one promised you a rose garden. But if you can put yourself in the right mindset to gracefully show love and appreciation to everyone—everyone—around you while you are in pain, then you are truly a hero who is really helping others as you help yourself.

How? It’s simple. More happy people means more kindness to go around. Therefore, the world needs you to find a way to feel satisfied with your life, and to be happy. So look again. Isn’t life wonderful?

So smile for a while and let's be jolly… Come on and share the good times while we can.

—Rose Garden by Billy Joe Royal.

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]]><![CDATA[How To Comfort Someone Who Is Sad]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/how-to-comfort-someone-who-is-sadhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/how-to-comfort-someone-who-is-sadSat, 21 Aug 2021 18:46:20 GMT
A cute pale blue cartoon owl known as Thatch Timber Owl stands ready to give a hug.
Image by L.E. Wilson from RedBubble
How to comfort someone? In short, do what a hug does. 
In your own words, and in your own way, say: 
I feel and understand your sadness. I’m here to support you and hold you up.
Then give them an actual hug if possible, and if not, let them truly know with absolute certainty that you wish you could make them feel better. In other words, let them know that you care.
Feeling emotional pain and anguish is a mourning process. It takes time to resolve, but it is a dark and scary time. Unfortunately, the person who is suffering has to go through the stages of grief on their own to finally reach acceptance and be at peace. While on this journey there may be shock, denial, guilt, and anger. It’s difficult to comfort someone who is under such turmoil, but listening to them vent while continuing to let them know that you want them to be well, that you want them to be happy—will help them heal. 
Here are a few movies that beautifully and tenderly show what comforting someone can look like:
Stand By Me (1986) is a drama based on the novella by Stephen King and directed by Rob Reiner about a group of four boys: Gordie (Wil Wheaton), Chris (River Phoenix), Teddy (Corey Feldman) and Vern (Jerry O’Connell), who set out on a two day journey to find the body of a missing boy.
Life Lesson: Everyone needs someone to believe in them.
Movie Scene:
Gordie: I’m no good. My dad said it; I’m no good.
Chris: He doesn’t know you.
Gordie: He hates me.
Chris: He doesn’t hate you.
Gordie: He hates me … My dad hates me. I’m no good.
Chris: No! He just doesn’t know you … You’re gonna be a great writer someday Gordie. You might even write about us guys, if you ever get hard up for material.
Steel Magnolias (1989) is a drama directed by Herbert Ross based on the play by Robert Harling about a group of women friends in Louisiana who gather regularly at Truvy’s (Dolly Parton) beauty parlor: M’Lynn (Sally Field) and her daughter Shelby (Julia Roberts), Ouiser (Shirley MacLaine), Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) and Truvy’s assistant Annelle (Daryl Hannah).
Life Lesson: Life goes on—you can get through all disappointments.
Movie Scene:
Truvy: Well, M’Lynn, I really wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don’t. So why don’t we just focus on the joy of the situation?
Annelle: It’ll be fine.
Ouiser: Absolutely.
Clairee: You know what they say, “that which does not kill us makes us stronger”.
Muriel’s Wedding (1994) is a coming of age comedy written and directed by P.J. Hogan about Muriel (Toni Collette), a bullied social outcast that runs away from her small hometown to live in the big city with a friend who helps her accept herself and mature into a more responsible and less self-centered adult.
Life Lesson: A good friend can make all the difference in your life.
Movie Scene:
[Muriel’s friend, Rhoda (Rachel Griffiths), is diagnosed with spinal cancer, which means that she is confined to a wheelchair and may never walk again.]
Rhoda: How can you stand this? You push me around in this chair. You cook for me. You even help me dress. I hate it!
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I’d just stay in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. Sometimes I’d stay in there all day. Since I’ve met you and moved to Sydney, I haven’t listened to one ABBA song. That’s because now my life’s as good as an ABBA song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.
The Bridges of Madison County (1995) is a drama directed by Clint Eastwood, based on the book by Robert James Waller, about a four day love affair between a National Geographic photographer, Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood), and an Iowa housewife, Francesca Johnson (Meryl Streep).
Life Lesson: Sometimes you have to accept things as they are, not as you wish them to be.
Movie Scene:
Francesca: It is quiet. And the people are nice. In certain ways. You know, we all help each other out. If someone gets sick or hurt, all the neighbors come in. They pick the corn or harvest the oats, or whatever needs to be done. If you go into town, you can leave your car unlocked and let the kids run around. Don’t worry about them. There are a lot of nice things about the people here. And I respect them for those qualities. But…
Robert: But?
Francesca: Well, it’s not what I dreamed of, as a girl.
Robert: You know I scribbled something down the other day. I often do that when I’m out on the road. Kind of goes like this: “The old dreams were good dreams. They didn’t work out, but I’m glad I had them.” […] Anyway, I think I know how you feel.
Contact (1997) is a drama based on the book by Carl Sagan, and directed by Robert Zemeckis, about Ellie Arroway (Jodie Foster), a SETI astronomer who discovers a coded message in a radio signal that has instructions for building a transporter.
Life Lesson: Keep searching—you are not alone.
Movie Scene:
Alien [talking to Ellie]: You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone. Only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.
Chicken Little (2005) is an animated fantasy co-written and directed by Mark Dindal about the difficulties undersized Chicken Little (Zach Braff) experiences when it looks like the sky is falling, but his father, Buck Cluck (Garry Marshall), and most in the community, do not believe him.
Life Lesson: “When all other means of communication fail, try words.”
— Anonymous
Movie Scene:
Buck Cluck: I.. I.. I didn’t realize, son. I never meant to.. The acorn, the sky, I mean the whole.. You’re right. You’re right. Your mom, she was, you know, she was always good with stuff like this. Me, I’m gonna need a lot of work. But you need to know that I love you, no matter what. And I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like that was something you had to earn.
In sum, here are a few ways you can comfort someone: 
  • Challenge negative thinking
    Gordie: He hates me … My dad hates me. I’m no good.
    Chris: No! He just doesn’t know you …
  • Stay positive
    You know what they say, “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
  • Remember the good times
    Since I’ve met you and moved to Sydney, I haven’t listened to one ABBA song. That’s because now my life’s as good as an ABBA song.
  • Show that you understand
    Anyway, I think I know how you feel.
  • Let them know you value them
    The only thing we found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.
  • Let them know they are loved
    But you need to know that I love you, no matter what. 
Eventually, we all learn to be more resilient and become better able to get through life’s difficulties faster. But before that ability is honed, it certainly would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on, a friend who will grieve with you, a loved one who will remind you of the joys and lift you up. Likewise, you can be the one who consoles someone in pain, the friend who listens and sympathizes, the family member who brings cheer and laughter, along with perspective. 
In the end, we’re all on this Earth together, experiencing many of the same highs and lows. Learning how to comfort someone—including how to comfort yourself—is a way to cushion the lows. 
And in case you need it, here is a virtual hug 🤗:
And here is a traditional Irish (Gaelic/Celtic) prayer for you:
May your troubles be less and your blessings be more,
And nothing but happiness come through your door.
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]]><![CDATA[Change Your Perspective, And Change Your Life?]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/change-your-perspective-and-changehttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/change-your-perspective-and-changeMon, 03 May 2021 14:30:32 GMT
The peak of a mountain surrounded by trees is seen with dark clouds on one side and clear skies on the other.
Image by Albrecht Fietz from Pixabay
If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.
— Peace Pilgrim (Mildred Lisette Norman)
You can change your experience of the world, which is the same as changing the world.
— Professor George Saunders 
Imagine that there is someone out there who wishes to have the life you have, exactly as it is, exactly as you have it. It’s not really a stretch of the imagination if you consider that there are about 7.9 billion people in the world. Out of 7,846,000,000 people, many of them suffering and desperate, is it really impossible to imagine that someone would love to have your life, even with all your problems, whatever they may be? Your life may very well be seen as a blessing, a gift, through the eyes of another person currently walking the Earth, and most certainly through the eyes of past generations who never could have imagined the miracles and comforts of the modern world (indoor plumbing, electricity, internet). 
Wouldn’t it be a real tragedy, then, if you don’t behave as if your life may be someone else’s dream come true? Wouldn’t it be a shame if you didn’t appreciate the people or things you do have in your life—ones that others not as fortunate as you desperately hope *they* could have? Of course it would be! How sad to have so much good in your world, but take it all for granted to focus on minor irritants, or delve into self pity. How heartbreaking this would be, and how dreadfully ironic.
Happiness, it seems, is all about perspective. For many, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” but if they could only see what others see, and if they could enjoy how nice they really do have it, life would most certainly be more pleasant and happier. 
Here are a few movies where a change of perspective means being able to appreciate, and be truly grateful for, unique and imperfect—but still lovely—lives:
  • It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) is a fantasy directed by Frank Capra about a kindly bank executive, George Bailey (James Stewart), who always tried to help others, even at the cost of his own dreams and ambitions, until a financial setback plummets him to despair when he realizes that he is worth more dead than alive, but a stranger, Clarence (Henry Travers), helps him see how valuable his life is by showing him what it would have been like had he never been born.
    Life Lesson: Be grateful for your life; it beats the alternative.
  • Mary Poppins (1964) is a fantasy directed by Robert Stevenson, based on the book by P.L. Travers, about a magical nanny, Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews), and a chimney sweep, Bert (Dick Van Dyke), who help out the Banks family in London.
    Life Lesson: Don’t be so absorbed in routine that you miss the wonders around you.
  • Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) is a comedy written and directed by John Hughes about two very different men, uptight executive Neal Page (Steve Martin) and jovial salesman Del Griffith (John Candy), who embark on an accident-prone Thanksgiving journey together.
    Life Lesson: “Don’t sweat the small stuff …and it’s all small stuff.”
    — Richard Carlson
  • Big (1988) is a comedic fantasy directed by Penny Marshall about Josh Baskin (Tom Hanks), a 12-year-old boy who wants to be “big” and gets his wish granted by a Zoltar Speaks fair machine, which turns him into an adult who gets a job at a toy company and a girlfriend, Susan (Elizabeth Perkins).
    Life Lesson: Be careful what you wish for; you might just get it.
  • Sliding Doors (1998) is a fantasy written and directed by Peter Howitt about Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow), a woman whose life takes a different turn depending on whether or not she catches a train on her way home.
    Life Lesson: “You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.”
    —  Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men
  • The Wedding Singer (1998) is a comedy directed by Frank Coraci about Robbie Hart (Adam Sandler), a struggling musician who finds out what true love is when he meets Julia Sullivan (Drew Barrymore), a waitress.
    Life Lesson: Find someone to love who wants to grow old with you.
    Movie Scene:
    Robbie: What are you saying?
    Sammy: What I’m saying is, all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be all right. […] If you found someone you can love, you can’t let it get away.
  • The Out of Towners (1999) is a comedy directed by Sam Weisman about a married couple, Henry (Steve Martin) and Nancy (Goldie Hawn) Clark, who face a series of life changing events, some misfortunes, and some adventures as they travel to New York City.
    Life Lesson: It’s never too late to make a positive change.
  • The Family Man (2000) is a drama directed by Brett Ratner about Jack Campbell (Nicolas Cage), a very successful and wealthy investment broker who gets a glimpse into the life he might have had had he made the decision to stay with his girlfriend, Kate Reynolds (Téa Leoni), thirteen years before, instead of remaining a bachelor.
    Life Lesson: The choices you make have a lasting effect on the rest of your life.
  • Shallow Hal (2001) is a comedy co-written and co-directed by Peter Farrelly and Bobby Farrelly about Hal (Jack Black), a man who views women in the most superficial way possible, judging them only on their looks, until an encounter with Tony Robbins, a motivational speaker, helps him to appreciate inner beauty and fall in love with Rosemary (Gwyneth Paltrow).
    Life Lesson: If you look beyond physical appearance, you will discover more beautiful people.
  • Last Holiday (2006) is a comedy directed by Wayne Wang about Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah), a woman who is told that she has Lampington’s Disease, and with only three weeks left to live, decides to have the life she always wanted.
    Life Lesson: Don’t wait to make your dreams a reality.
    Movie Scene:
    Georgia: Look, a guy like you has all the money and time in the world to turn things around for himself, you know? So, just stop whining and get with it.
  • Yes Man (2008) is a comedy directed by Peyton Reed based on the book by Danny Wallace about Carl (Jim Carrey), a curmudgeonly bank loan officer who refrains from meaningfully interacting with other people until he attends a seminar run by Terrence Bundley (Terence Stamp) that teaches him to embrace new opportunities.
    Life Lesson: You regret the things you haven’t done, not the things you have done.
    Movie Scene:
    Terrence: I want you to invite yes into your lives because it will RSVP ‘yes.’ When you say yes to things, you embrace the possible.
  • Saving Mr. Banks (2013) is a drama about Walt Disney’s (Tom Hanks) attempt to adapt P.L. Travers’ (Emma Thompson) book, Mary Poppins, into film.
    Life Lesson: Overcome your past.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
— Wayne Dyer
If you could spend more of your time experiencing joy and contentment, wouldn’t you—shouldn’t you—choose to do so? It would undoubtedly be healthier, and better, not just for you but for everyone around you. And maybe all it really takes is to imagine someone telling you how lucky you really are. So here it is:
You are the fortunate one. Yes, You.
You are rare and precious because you survived and grew.
Now you have all you need to make your dreams come true.
But the world needs you to be happy—today—too.
So change your point of view:
Be grateful, be cheerful, and you’ll pull through! 
Or, if you need another talking to:
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” 
― Epicurus
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]]><![CDATA[There Is No Bad News; There Are Only Blessings In Disguise]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/there-is-no-bad-news-there-are-onlyhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/there-is-no-bad-news-there-are-onlyThu, 11 Mar 2021 20:32:59 GMT
A full moon is centered above a wooden dock surrounded by misty water.
Image by Myriams-Fotos from Pixabay
I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. It's because of them I'm doing it myself.
― Albert Einstein
Have you ever received bad news, or had something bad happen to you? If you look back at these events, chances are that you can reinterpret them to see that they resulted in something good. Perhaps you may notice that when a door closed, a window opened. Or you may remember that when you encountered a road block, you found another way. It’s even possible that at the present moment you are relieved that you didn’t get what you thought you wanted then because what you have now is better. In other words, it’s possible to be glad, in retrospect, that you had to endure a misfortune. The Chinese proverb about a man, Sāi Wēng, who loses his prized horse and responds by saying, “how could we know it is not a good thing for me?” is a beautiful illustration of this concept. 
It’s natural to feel bad when things don’t appear to be going our way. But if we can learn to let go of this narrow-minded interpretation, we can better see the positive possibilities stemming from seemingly unfortunate situations. The faster that we can process a negative experience and start looking for how it provides helpful information, how it can be of benefit in the future, or how it may even be for the best—the less pain, frustration, and heartache we will feel. It is as Curtin says in the movie, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948), “the worst ain’t so bad when it finally happens."
Another way to understand this life lesson is to recognize that failure is a good teacher, and because of that, there is a treasure trove of knowledge to be gained when we fail to do — or get — something. So there is no reason to wallow in sadness, to cry over what has already happened and cannot be changed, or to perseverate and let a bad experience consume daily life. Instead we can learn from our experience, focus on the good news around us, and choose happiness. 
Here are a few movies that show that there is no bad news; there are only blessings in disguise:
Clive Davis: The Soundtrack of Our Lives (2017) is a documentary directed by Chris Perkel about music producer Clive Davis, who was instrumental in shaping the careers of many artists including Whitney Houston, Barry Manilow, Simon & Garfunkel, Billy Joel and Aerosmith.
In 1973 Clive Davis was fired from CBS records, but then went on to have a very successful and impactful career as Chief Creative Officer of Sony Music Entertainment. 
Saving Mr. Banks (2013) is a drama about Walt Disney’s (Tom Hanks) attempt to adapt P.L. Travers’ (Emma Thompson) book, Mary Poppins, into film.
It took Walt Disney over 20 years to acquire the rights to adapt P.L. Travers’ book series into the movie Mary Poppins, which went on to become the most successful Disney film of the 1960s, received five Academy Awards, and was added to the National Film Registry by the US Library of Congress.
Kings of Pastry (2009) is a documentary by directors Chris Hegedus and D.A. Pennebaker about the Meilleur Ouvrier de France (MOF), a competition for the title “Best craftsman of France in Pastry” that is held every four years.
On the last day of the three day competition, the towering sugar sculpture that Chef Philippe Rigollot was working on toppled over and shattered. He quickly worked on a replacement sugar sculpture and went on to win the MOF.
  • Life Lesson: Don’t let adversity — difficulties, misfortune — stop you. Finish a task you set out to do. Finishing is its own reward, and only those who finish are eligible to win.
Meet the Robinsons (2007) is a fantasy co-written and directed by Stephen J. Anderson, based on the book by William Joyce, about Lewis (Jordan Fry), a child inventor who constantly meets with failure until he is helped by a stranger named Wilbur Robinson (Wesley Singerman).
This animated movie’s message is that we learn from failure, so it should be embraced and celebrated, with the key to success being to keep moving forward. It is the embodiment of a famous Winston S. Churchill quote, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Invincible (2006) is a biographical drama directed by Ericson Core based on the story of Vince Papale, a 30-year-old school teacher/bartender who earns a spot on the 1976 Philadelphia Eagles NFL team when the new head coach, Dick Vermeil, holds open tryouts.
Some of the setbacks that Vince Papale faced included not having college football experience and being 30 years old—in a sport where the average age for a drafted player was 23—when he became a professional football player for three seasons (1976 -1978) with the Philadelphia Eagles team, and the oldest rookie in the history of the NFL. 
  • Life Lesson: Ignore those who judge you based on your age and not your ability. You can, you should, and you must pursue your goals no matter your stage of life.
It is right it should be so. Man was made for Joy & Woe. And when this we rightly know. Thro the World we safely go. Joy & Woe are woven fine. A Clothing for the soul divine. Under every grief & pine. Runs a joy with silken twine. 
—William Blake (Auguries of Innocence)
When we let ourselves sink into sadness after a bad experience, it can darken our present and future by training our minds to focus on, and only see, negative things, bad luck, and bad people. We can also do the opposite. We can train our minds to focus on positive things, to count our blessings, to be grateful for the wonderful things and people in our lives. It’s our choice. In one path we grow ever more bitter, pessimistic, and angry. In the other, we learn to look at life’s challenges in a positive light, as a way to grow and experience a deep and rich life full of opportunity. 
Which path will you take?
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References:
Sāi Wēng Lost His Horse (Proverb)
Origins of the idiom, “Blessing in Disguise”
1976 NFL Draft 
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]]><![CDATA[Movies To Help You Love Life]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/movies-to-help-you-love-lifehttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/movies-to-help-you-love-lifeTue, 15 Dec 2020 17:13:39 GMT
A beautiful green tree grows inside a bowl made of glass with jagged, broken edges. 
Image by Bela Geletneky from Pixabay
To see a World in a Grain of Sand. And a Heaven in a Wild Flower. 
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand. And Eternity in an hour. 
—William Blake (Auguries of Innocence)
Isn’t life grand? Isn’t life great? What a magnificent opportunity we have to feel, and think, and love. If you don’t see it this way, then perhaps some movies can help you experience the joys of living, the pleasures of the world, and the wealth that comes from appreciating and being grateful for what you have.
Sure, there is sadness; there is pain; there is fear. But at the end of the day, to have had the chance to live is to be immeasurably lucky and fortunate in a most profound and monumental way. Life is a gift. Here are a few movies where characters learn that:
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) is a fantasy directed by Frank Capra about a kindly bank executive, George Bailey (James Stewart), who has always tried to help others, even at the cost of his own dreams and ambitions, until a financial setback plummets him to despair when he realizes that he is worth more dead than alive, but a stranger, Clarence (Henry Travers), helps him see how valuable his life is by showing him what it would have been like had he never been born.
Life Lesson: Be grateful for your life; it beats the alternative.
  • Movie Scene:
    Clarence: Strange isn’t it?  Each man’s life touches so many other lives. And when he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?  […]  Your brother Harry Bailey broke through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine.
    George: That’s a lie! Harry Bailey went to war. He got the Congressional Medal of Honor. He saved the lives of every man on that transport.
    Clarence: Every man on that transport died. Harry wasn’t there to save them, because you weren’t there to save Harry. You see George, you really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) is a comedy written and directed by John Hughes about Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), a high school senior who knows that time is running out to be with his friends and decides to skip school in order to enjoy a day with them.
Life Lesson: “Stop and smell the roses.”— Idiom
  • Movie Scene:
    Ferris: I said it before and I’ll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) is a comedy written and directed by John Hughes about two very different men, uptight executive Neal Page (Steve Martin) and jovial salesman Del Griffith (John Candy), who embark on an accident-prone Thanksgiving journey together.
Life Lesson: “Don’t sweat the small stuff … and it’s all small stuff.” — Richard Carlson
  • Movie Scene:
    Del: You have any idea how glad I am I didn’t kill you?
    Neal: Do you have any idea how glad I’d be if you had?
    Del: Oh, come on pal, you don’t mean that. Remember what I said about going with the flow? … Like a twig on the shoulders of a mighty stream.
Scrooged (1988) is a comedy directed by Richard Donner, adapted from Charles Dickens’ classic book, A Christmas Carol, about Frank Cross (Bill Murray), a cold-hearted TV executive who is given the chance to change his callous ways by three ghosts.
Life Lesson: “Put a little love in your heart, and the world will be a better place.” —Jackie DeShannon
  • Movie Scene:
    Frank: You have to do something. You have to take a chance. You do have to get involved … There are people that don’t have enough to eat. There are people that are cold. You can go out and say ‘hello’ to these people. You can take an old blanket out of the closet and say ‘here.’ You can make them a sandwich and say, ‘oh by the way, here.’ I get it now! And if you give, then it can happen, then the miracle can happen to you. It’s not just the poor and hungry, it’s everybody.
Dead Poets Society (1989) is a drama directed by Peter Weir about a group of students at a private preparatory school, Welton Academy, where their unconventional English teacher, Mr. Keating (Robin Williams), encourages them to seek passion, be freethinkers, and fully express their identity and individuality.
Life Lesson: Carpe Diem — Seize the Day.
  • Movie Scene:
    Mr. Keating: Peruse some of the faces from the past … Their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because you see, gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you … Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.
Groundhog Day (1993) is a comical fantasy co-written and directed by Harold Ramis about Phil, a self-centered grouch played by Bill Murray, who repeatedly wakes up on the same day, February 2, until he learns to care about others.
Life Lesson: You will be a happier person if you take joy in the simple pleasures of life: books, music, learning, being kind to others.
  • Movie Scene:
    Phil (discovering love): I think you’re the kindest, sweetest, prettiest person I’ve ever met in my life.  I’ve never seen anyone that’s nicer to people than you are … The first time I saw you, something happened to me. I never told you, but I knew that I wanted to hold you as hard as I could.
The Family Man (2000) is a drama directed by Brett Ratner about Jack Campbell (Nicolas Cage), a very successful and wealthy investment broker who gets a glimpse into the life he might have had had he made the decision to stay with his girlfriend, Kate Reynolds (Téa Leoni), thirteen years before, instead of remaining a bachelor.
Life Lesson: The choices you make have a lasting effect on the rest of your life.
  • Movie Scene:
    Kate: I think about it too. I do. I wonder about what kind of life I would have had if I hadn’t married you.
    Jack: And?
    Kate: And then I realize I’ve just erased all the things in my life that I’m sure about: you and the kids.
    Jack: Good things.
    Kate: Yeah. What are you sure about?
    Jack: I’m sure that right now, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you.
Last Holiday (2006) is a comedy directed by Wayne Wang about Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah), a woman who is told that she has Lampington’s Disease, and with only three weeks left to live, decides to have the life she always wanted.
Life Lesson: Don’t wait to make your dreams a reality.
  • Movie Scene:
    Georgia: Look, a guy like you has all the money and time in the world to turn things around for himself, you know? So, just stop whining and get with it.
WALL-E (2008) is an animated fantasy co-written and directed by Andrew Stanton about a trash compactor robot, WALL-E (Ben Burtt), who falls in love with a highly advanced reconnoissance robot, EVE (Elissa Knight), and follows her onto the Axiom, a spaceship commanded by Captain B. McCrea (Jeff Garlin) that houses refugees sent to live in space by the BNL CEO (Fred Willard).
Life Lesson: Start living your life: do, engage, take charge.
  • Movie Scene:
    Captain: Auto, things have changed! We’ve got to go back!
    Axiom’s Autopilot: Sir, orders are “do not return to Earth.”
    Captain: But life is sustainable now. Look at this plant. Green and growing. It’s living proof he was wrong.
    Axiom’s Autopilot: Irrelevant, Captain.
    Captain: What? It’s completely relevant! Out there is our home. Home, Auto. And it’s in trouble. I can’t just sit here and-and do nothing. That’s all I’ve ever done. That’s all anyone on this blasted ship has ever done. Nothing!
    Axiom’s Autopilot: On the Axiom, you will survive.
    Captain: I don’t want to survive. I want to live.
Addicted to Life (Nuit de la Glisse) (2014) is a documentary written and directed by Thierry Donard about men around the world who seek extreme athletic challenges.
Life Lesson: Enjoy life: do things that make you feel alive.
  • Movie Scene:
    Matt Annetts (snowboard): “I’m willing to put up with that risk ’cause I love being in the mountains. I love getting out there, hiking, riding down. It’s just such an amazing feeling. That is life to me.”
    Eric Deguil (kayak): “The limits on human ability don’t depend on build or technique, but on your mind. And the limit is your fear. Fear is what creates boundaries for a person. It determines if we can overcome something.”
    Max Geronzi (skateboard): “Doing new tricks is what you dream about, and when you land them, it’s a crazy feeling. It’s a feeling of victory.”
Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.
— William Arthur Ward
Life is nice. Because of it, there is the possibility of finding comfort, acceptance, affection, and understanding, as well as of connecting with those who want to say “yes!” to you, and who find joy in your happiness. There is also the opportunity to build, to lift each other up, to find common ground, to experience excitement, and the joy of beautiful things. We are able to love, respect, and cherish others; reciprocate compassion and loyalty; feel empathy and sympathy; and be valued, protected, and supported. We also have minds capable of embracing new ideas with an open mind and considering them in a favorable light, which makes it easier to appreciate and enjoy observations, musings, jokes, and even complaints. In other words, it’s yet another path toward happiness. And even in difficult times, life allows for something positive to come out of a bad situation. 
So, to paraphrase Clarence: you really have a wonderful life. Enjoy it!
And to help you remember, here is a short poem:
Some are born to dance and play—
Some are born to dance and play; some are born with feet of clay.
The lucky ones celebrate; the sad ones hesitate.
The lucky ones seize the day; the sad ones abdicate.
The lucky ones find a way; the sad ones agitate.
The lucky ones come and stay; the sad ones dissipate.
The lucky ones everyday, know to love them anyway—
know to love without delay, know to love, and love away.
Some are born to dance and play; 
some are born to dance and play!
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]]><![CDATA[Feel Better With Movie Therapy]]>https://moviewise.substack.com/p/feel-better-with-movie-therapyhttps://moviewise.substack.com/p/feel-better-with-movie-therapySat, 20 Jun 2020 22:15:01 GMT
Banner image showing a film strip consisting of five cells with various nature scenes, each containing sunsets.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Do not use your energy to worry. Use your energy to believe, to create, to learn, to think, and to grow. 
—Professor Richard Feynman
After two years of marriage, Nancy (Susan Anspach), the wife in the movie Play It Again, Sam (1972) says this to her husband: “I can’t stand the marriage. I don’t find you any fun. I feel you suffocate me. I don’t feel any rapport with you, and I don’t dig you physically. —Oh, for God’s sake, Allan, don’t take it personal!”
The absurdity of not taking these insults personally, of course, is why this scene is so funny. It’s classic Woody Allen humor.
But in this absurdity there is truth. Basically it all comes down to this: Why bother with negative emotions? 
Yes, life can be unfair, people frustrating, and there is plenty of disappointment around, but why also be miserable about it?
  • What if it’s possible to not take things personally? 
  • What if it’s possible to let bad news brush off of you? 
  • What if it’s within your power to push negativity aside, and learn wisdom from a bad experience without sinking into despair?
Don’t take it personally — just move on, move on, move on! How great would that be? It would be awesome! If you could move on, would you feel a lot better, a lot faster? Yes. Yes, you would. 
In the aforementioned movie, Woody Allen’s character, film critic Allan Felix, is a neurotic depressive, which is not the model that you want to follow, and obviously things don’t go well for him. But a re-imagined story, with a character that could objectively accept that some relationships don’t work out and sometimes everyone is better off going their separate ways might be more therapeutic. Are there such films? Yes, of course there are. 
Case in point: High Fidelity (2000), in which a selfish, insecure and immature man, Rob Gordon (played by John Cusack), tracks down five previous ex-girlfriends to find answers to his relationship problems, and learns this Life Lesson:
  • If you want to have a good relationship with someone,                                                    then don’t hold back. Give it all you’ve got.
Here is Rob in his own words: 
I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and — I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that’s suicide, by tiny, tiny increments.
So yes, there are movies that show us how to not take things personally and how to move on.  The beauty of movies is that they allow us to experience another person’s life: live their frame of reference, see their point of view.  And in so doing movies become, as film critic Roger Ebert wrote, “the most powerful empathy machine.” It even goes further than this because movies are also the embodiment of our collective knowledge. The collaborative nature of making and producing movies means that when there is a message expressed, it is likely upheld by multiple people who believe others should hear it.
Clearly then, there is a lot that can be learned from watching movies. If you think about all the resources, the money, the people, the heart, energy, and thought that needs go into making a feature-length film, it is reasonable to ask what the main message is in a film. Why go through such a public medium with the hopes of reaching a large audience, if the creators, the auteurs, didn’t have something significant or valuable to say? Yes, some movies are just mindless entertainment, but even these reveal some truths about ourselves and our lives. 
Meanwhile, great movies leave you thinking about ideas and beliefs. While it is possible that the filmmakers did not set out to transfer wisdom, they nevertheless gave us a product of the mind for the mind. And although our tendency to look for meaning where there isn’t any may get the best of us occasionally, sometimes it is infinitely clear that we are meant to learn something from watching a movie. And what’s easier than learning by watching? We humans are very good at that.
We are a social species that has used storytelling as a means to connect to one another, to teach and learn from each other, since before the beginning of civilization. The prehistoric cave paintings that date back 40,000 years in Spain (El Castillo) and 30,000 in France (Chauvet) are the progenitors of modern movies. Why did our ancient ancestors immortalize images of large wild animals such as horses and bison, and imprint human hands on the walls of caves? Could the reason be the same one that drives filmmakers to immortalize moving images on the screen today? Like the cave paintings, movies communicate something to us. And what they reveal is even more profound. Movies are truly a treasure trove of insight into the very core of human existence. 
These insights, these guides, are the Life Lessons chronicled on moviewise. Practically speaking, film criticism is a public service profession that helps viewers avoid wasting their time. A good film review is a reliable guidepost that informs of the good and the bad. It can point people toward movies that are not only well made and entertaining, but also insightful in a way that leaves viewers satisfied and perhaps wiser.  
The following are 5 movies that have something truly valuable to teach, and thus are worth your consideration:
1) Life Lesson:
People find happiness when they are: engaging in play, having new experiences, feeling connected to a community through friends and family, doing things that are meaningful, and appreciating what they have.
-- From the documentary Happy (2011) by director Roko Belie about the latest research studies on happiness. Experts discuss their findings while everyday people talk about their experiences. 
Since the best tool we have is science, and since we all strive to be happy, watching this film is highly instructive. Integrating what you can from it -- whether it is becoming more physically active or being more grateful for your life -- will most likely bring you more happiness. That’s a nice return for a 76 minute investment of your time.
2) Life Lesson:
Let go of old resentments—you’ll feel better.
-- From the comedy Moonstruck (1987) directed by Norman Jewison about Loretta Castorini (Cher), a widow who falls in love with her fiancé’s brother, Ronny (Nicolas Cage), when she invites him to her wedding.
The funny thing about resentment, which is an intense and persistent feeling of anger about something you feel is unfair, hurtful, or insulting, is that you keep re-injuring your old wounds. Holding on to resentment makes you feel indignant and self-righteous, robs you of perspective, and prevents you from moving on. So how do you let go of old resentments? By realizing that you are choosing to be “right” over being happy. As Loretta says in this movie, 
“What’s the matter with you? I mean, you think you’re the only one who ever shed a tear?” 
There comes a point where you need to accept that life sometimes is harsh and cruel, but you don’t have to keep reliving and re-feeling the hurt and trauma. You can just let it go, start fresh, and look for ways to make life easier and more enjoyable for yourself and those around you. 
3) Life Lesson:
There is no point in feeling regret about your past. If you had a chance to go back in time, you would probably make the same choices again. If you changed your past, you may not have the great things you have now.
-- From the fantasy Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) directed by Francis Ford Coppola about a middle-aged housewife, Peggy Sue (Kathleen Turner), who is facing a divorce from her husband Charlie (Nicolas Cage), but gets a chance to relive her past and change it all -- which also means losing her children.
Playing the “if only” game, i.e. “if only I had left 5 minutes earlier, I wouldn’t have missed my flight,” is a sure way to lower your happiness. This is regret, an emotion you really don’t need to have. What’s the point? You know the old Serenity Prayer: 
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,                                       the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”? 
Well, anything that happened in the past constitutes things that you cannot change, so move on. 
4) Life Lesson:
Love yourself enough to be the person you want to become.
-- From the documentary I Ain’t Scared of You: A Tribute to Bernie Mac (2011) directed by Robert Small about comedian Bernie Mac, a man who embodied rugged individualism and achieved the quintessential American Dream despite numerous obstacles and personal tragedies.
When people find success after numerous setbacks, it’s a powerful reminder that instead of dwelling on negative emotions, you can change them to positive ones. You *can* look on the bright side of life and be optimistic. Feeling positive about the future and about yourself helps you move forward, while feeling negative holds you back. Respecting yourself, honoring yourself, treating yourself with dignity are all ways of “loving yourself” and are necessary for achieving prolonged success, which inevitably means overcoming adversity and misfortune. In other words, if you have set a goal for yourself, make sure that while working to achieve it, you love and respect yourself the same as if you had already reached your goal.
5) Life Lesson:
Do not take loved-ones for granted. Let them know you love them.
-- From the comedy My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) directed by P.J. Hogan about Jules (Julia Roberts), a professional single woman who has difficulty maintaining romantic relationships and loses the man she loves, Michael (Dermot Mulroney), because she cannot express her true feelings.
Recognizing that someone loves and cares about you is actually an expression of your ability to feel gratitude. As mentioned earlier, being grateful for what you have is a key way of obtaining happiness. Appreciating those who care for you, who are concerned for you, who are interested in your life, is the first step in feeling grateful for them. Letting them know that you appreciate them is the final step, one that will allow you to bring happiness to others. Like Kimmy says, 
“If you love someone, you say it. You say it right then, out loud.  Otherwise, the moment just passes you by.” 
Allan Felix’s marriage surely would have worked out better had he taken this advice, as would many other marriages.
The above illustrates that there are great movies with characters and stories that are worth emulating, and with valuable lessons that can help you feel more happiness. Of course reading about Life Lessons is different from applying Life Lessons. We’ve all received advice. Some we have ignored to our own detriment, some has proven valuable, and others we followed only to be disappointed. The same is probably true about advice from movies. But the nice thing about watching a movie is that even if you don’t consider the message, you’ll at least be entertained. And that is joy you can count on!
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 Reply to this or leave a comment below to make a request. 
Share moviewise: Life Lessons From Movies
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Improve your life one movie scene at a time with movie wisdom! #MovieTherapy #ReadyToLaugh +GuestPosts & Reviews
By moviewise 🎟
Movie Lists!  | Guides To Life | Movie Therapy | Ready To Laugh | + Guest Posts | Comic
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